Music & Driving

2011-02-23T00:08:00.000-08:00

I had the stupidest thought today at work and i have to write it down somewhere or else i'll lose it.

so when i have the time and the money to do absolutely nothing, im going to get really good at some kind of multiplayer game. really really good. and then im going to be at the top of the charts in whatever rankings that can be seen by all the other players and my user name will be something like SupremeVirgin or something very similar. just to make a statement or something. stupid, i know

2011-02-01T23:58:00.000-08:00

as a psychology student i noticed one thing: psychology is all theory. basically, we dont know jack shit about the human brain so we are just going to take a bunch of educated guesses. however, we know that if alcohol goes in, psychotic neuroses and honesty comes out. wtf is that all about? fffffffffuck that.

Drunk

2011-02-01T23:32:00.001-08:00

...or prettly close to it. i promised i myself i would try and capture the moment of when i was drunk but it seems as far as my grammar goes i cannot be swayed sober or otherwise. to type that last sentence alone took many punchings of the delete button. I AM THE GENTLEMANS GENTLEMAN haha fuck. so my brother took me out to a local bar with his friend and my gf ELisha and my other friend jazmine. we had a merry time. i drank JUST the right amount to the point in which i wasnt blacked out but i was definitely drunk. im still in it now. my brother said to drink water. so now i am personally forcing myself to stay awake so i can pee everything out before i sleep. it will make it much easier to do it from my computer chair than climbing down from my loft bed every 10 minutes. whoa that sounds like im just peeing in a chair. but im not. i am seriously just coherent enough to type this but not enough to do so without mistake. i also sitting in a really weird position in my chair and also noticing how awesome this room is and how cool my fingers are for doing what they do. so that should give you a pretty good example of my state of alertness. or whatever. im sleepy. but i gotta pee so much. from an evolutionary standpoint, i wonder what matters more instinctively. peeing or sleeping? did our ancestors weigh the options like, " i have to pee, but i aint gonna be eaten by a wolf (which they havent domesticated yet)" and instead they just wet themselves for survival. who knows. i sure dont. i cant control my head.

im so glad tonight happened. i initially said i wasnt going to get drunk, but here i am, borderline drunk. i guess tonight i realized why in sitcoms and movies and in pop culture everyone goes "out for drinks". even if you dont get super drunk youre still going to loosen up. everyone at my table did. it just makes for a good time. maybe thats an analysis on society like, we should all be merry and honest with eachother because thats what being drunk is like and we seem to have a good time in that moment. ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Southland Proves I Would Be The Worst Cop

2011-01-26T22:17:00.000-08:00

If anybody follows Southland from its beginning, they know that it started on NBC and then moved to TNT where it improved greatly. I haven't put too much thought into why it is such an intriguing show, but i can't get enough. At first, i thought it was because i once had the idea that i would like to be a cop, but the more i watch this show, the more i discover i would technically be the worst cop ever.

as far as i'm concerned, law enforcement got fucked over by "citizens" demanding "rights" when they fuck up. in all seriousness though, that's what happens when you have to formulate an umbrella protocol that fits every situation, based on the poor actions of the evil who committed actual crimes. so from watching Southland, i have noticed that you cant just arrest a guy, and do everything you can to achieve that simple goal. you have to have a good solid reason, and if the asshole decides to run you're allowed to tackle him and such, but you can't punch him in the face for making things difficult. as you'll immediately notice, that is what i would do if i was in a bad mood and i had to chase a suspect. if i was feeling nice i would punch his face before i cuffed him, just to say he wasnt entirely defenseless. that's just the light situations. tonight's episode they killed off the character Detective Nate Moretta in the last 5 minutes of the show. completely out of nowhere. oops, spoiler alert, whatever. anyway, he was just doing a routine stop with his partner hazing a bunch of mexican gang members when all of a sudden he gets a metal pipe to the head. suddenly, a huge mob of fat stupid mexicans descend upon his limp body to beat the shit out of him. his partner is forced to shoot one and threaten the rest of the group, which does nothing. they just keep coming back for a few more kicks. one cholo decides to reach for the Det. Moretta's gun but gets shot by the partner, which in this case was the only reasonable reason for shooting someone. other than that, all he could do was drag the body to his car and fire shots into the air helplessly as the fucking mexicans continue to ignore his warnings and backup finally arrives. now here's what is wracking my brain so feverishly: i would have not only shot into that crowd, i would have grabbed my (presumably) dead partner's gun and let them have it. if i was severely outnumbered, with a dead body to protect from a bunch of evil criminals, i would have absolutely zero reservations about going full cowboy and firing with a vengeance at each head i could see. but as the show depicted, in reality, that would be considered a massacre on the detective's part, and TECHNICALLY wouldnt be lawfully justified. however i think MORALLY it is the perfect thing to do. here are these criminals who have made the obvious decision to fuck the law and do what they please. it is in that instant that i believe the law no longer applies to them. bam, shot in the face. you made your decision, esse. DISCLAIMER: i am no racist against mexicans, im just describing the scene. it could be any other mob of any other race and they would be just as deserving to be filled with hot lead.

so that is where i would fail. they are called law enforcement, not morality enforcement. and that is where i believe that the justice system if flawed. i could actually write a whole new post about that, including how we shouldnt take cases that are stupid, like that guy who sued mcdonalds for spilling coffee on himself and the coffee being "too hot". fuck you, guy. fuck your shit. you ordered a hot coffee. get out of my courtroom and drink a gallon of antifreeze. overall, this goes to show that if i managed to somehow pass whatever exams are given to become a cop, i would immediately be fired and/or arrested for brutality or something. basically, i'm like Rorschach from the Watchmen series. i would totally be like him, except just a touch less crazy, but only by a little. Rorschach gets things done. Obviously, Batman learned nothing from his parents being killed and thinks he's getting things done, but in the grander scheme is getting nothing accomplished by having criminals arrested. if he was trained as a goddamn ninja, he ought to kill like one. i dont know how i got off topic to Batman, but it's been said. IM BACK EVERYONE

Return

2011-01-26T22:16:00.000-08:00

as i will follow up this post with another, it marks my official return to the blogging world. not that anybody has been waiting. but i've been bothered by topics that i feel i could write about in length lately, so finally i decided to come back. now that i dropped out of school i need something to stimulate my brain anyway.

untitled

2010-04-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

to my friends, yes i have been getting your calls and messages. though i have pretty much been ignoring my phone for the past few days. i'd rather not use it.

as of now, i have no idea what i'm doing. no more plans. no more aspirations. now it's back to a day at a time. there's no telling how long this will last.

Help

2010-04-15T11:39:00.001-07:00

somebody help me please. please. i dont know what to do. somebody please help me.

re: Thanks

2010-04-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

so far i want to say to everyone thank you for your support. i know this seems like our typical "emo post" complaining about stupid miniscule problems that only children in high school have, but for once, i've got a real problem on my hands.

ill start with the pills. im running out, and when those run out, i could buy more, but ill have to take more and then ill be suffering even more than i already am, so that wont work. in these drug-induced states it seems i have moments when i think everything will be okay and then i snap out of it back to where i am now.

of all the advice and words spoken to me, i apologize in the case that it doesnt help. it simply doesnt. its not just the girl. sure, for some reason we've gone from good friends to distant acquaintances mysteriously over a weekend, but theres more than that now. ive got school, where my parents will most likely not pay for another semester after not doing well yet again. i have my inability to find a job. ive got my continually failing music, which was the one anchor i thought i had going for me.

so with everything catching up to me in one bit torrent of sadness, for once im really losing my willpower. dont consider this a suicide note, but maybe a contemplation note. see beforehand, at least i had something going. it would be my grades are bad, but at least i had a job. or some other girl hates me, but at least ive got some form of music going. but now its all failing at once. i tried really hard to be active and interesting, to be outgoing and not so much like an angry hermit like i usually am. it wasnt enough. for some reason i just screw things up. and if this is what my life is meant to be, than its not worth it. you can say itll get better, or this is just a phase, or something similar, but you will not believe how much ive heard that said. for me its always a phase. its one long phase that i cant exit. i am truly grateful to have the few friends that i have, but to be honest, i believe that in order to be truly happy, i have to be happy with myself. being dependent on my friends is just as bad as basing my happiness off of a girl. im just a few friends away from having absolutely nothing. and that just wont happen. you have lives to lead.

it has become completely clear that i am not meant to be happy in this life. i was born with the inherent ability to ruin all good things that come my way. and with this comes the inability to know how to fix it. i would think after, lets say 10 years, of constant destruction and reconstruction of relationships of all kinds i would have figured it out. i really would have liked to have had it figured out by 20. it seems my friends have. they try to explain it to me but i dont see it. it just doesnt work for me.

if you read this far, then i thank you again. dont be alarmed. and definitely dont prematurely alert anyone in my area. i didnt say i was going to do anything. im just letting you know what my situation is now. and that is all.

Lately

2010-04-13T11:47:00.001-07:00

lately has not been good. it's been deceptively good for a few weeks, but inevitably it just goes to hell like everything usually does in my life, and for some reason i didn't see it coming, again.

so first there's spending all this nice time with a girl and forming a band with her and getting really close, but now, for me it seems to be falling apart. going along with what usually happens to people who know me with time, our conversations are not as exciting, our time spent together is not as memorable. and i have no idea how to change it. i really tried on this one. to add to this, i have a job interview today at downtown disney, and if i get that ill be even less available, not that it matters as im already losing yet another close connection i couldve had here at home.

there's also been this big psychology project that i've had weeks to do. naturally, i shunned it until two days before it is due. i might not be able to finish certain elements of it that might require appointments to be made ahead of time. so there is also that.

in order to deal with this, i have wanted to go back to smoking. but i quit for the girl's sake. she doesnt know that, but i did. so now, im back to my good ol' standard of 500 mg rapid release tylenol. 6-8 of these little helpers and im relatively numbed from any anxiety for a good hour or so. that's it. and lately ive been doing this 3-4 times a day. im probably developing something harmful like addiction or liver damage. but im at a loss right now. as of this post, i have taken up to 16 pills, and at least 36 pills in the past 72 hours.

this week is crucial. im losing a girl (again), one that i actually appreciate having around and looks good. im messing up in school (again), and this semester might be my last. im realizing that all the prospect ive put into music is supported by nothing. i thought it would be easy for me, even more so with all of these terrible things happening, but the truth is im a sham. ill never amount to anything. so now (again), comes the big question: end it now, or hit the road? im seriously considering the first one for the first time in a year or so. at least if i survive ill get an extension on my assignment, maybe. right? elliott smith style, straight to the chest. or if i want to make myself suffer more ill hit the road and look for something. i wont even know what im looking for but ill be looking for it. its becoming more and more evident that im missing something that everyone knows about. they're all in on it. everyone knows how to deal with things like this except me. along with my adhd and my negativity, i lack some sort of major social protocol that helps you figure out and deal with problems like these, but it didnt develop for me. i just keep repeating the same mistakes without even knowing it.

on a side note, for the past two instances that my life was looking up and then took a turn for the worst, it has suddenly rained. the gods are laughing at me, clearly.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH

2010-04-12T07:59:00.001-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

and that is how i decided to interpret how i'm feeling.

Statement

2010-04-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

well everybody, i'm not doing as well as i thought

Unicycles, and Uni-assholes

2010-04-07T01:56:00.001-07:00

today on campus there was a guy riding a unicycle. to class. i thought ive seen all the stupid-ass ways forms of transportation on school grounds, but this guy wins, because he is getting nowhere fast AND looking like a complete tool.

and then, speaking of assholes, those jesus-freaks were on campus. and this time, the students were pissed. there was one asian kid who was given an air horn by a professor, and he would interrupt the jesus guy every time he talked. another asian kid just mocked him. a lot of girls got the courage to yell and argue with the main guy, which is dumb because that's the exact reason they are there. there's no winning a debate with these people, so don't give them an audience. however, i had some time to kill so i just sat there and watched for fun while nothing was accomplished. these guys have the gall to come onto a university campus and spout the failure of education, and how jesus is all that you need. why would you go to a place where people pay to get educated to preach how education is bad. you won't convert a single person. not one. i can guarantee it.

Felicia Day

2010-03-31T23:07:00.000-07:00

i have a huge crush on this woman. she's hardly famous, except in the nerd world. and even then i have only seen her in one of her many productions, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. i admit, i have a thing for musicals. anyway, i saw her there and im in love. i might go searching for her other works if i have time. also, this surpasses my previous celebrity crush of ellie kemper. sorry ellie.

and sadly, that's what's going on with me over my spring break.

Human exercise

2010-03-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

lately i've been exercising on my spring break, and so far it feels good. maybe its my hyperactive unmedicated body releasing whatever, but it's good. im alternating days between biking and running. the bike rides i can go far, because let's face it, biking is way easier than running. even when youre tired, youre still going somewhere while coasting. not so for running. but running feels like im really working everything besides my legs. anyway, all of this has been going on with one small twist: no socks.

now i know that doesnt make a huge difference, but it so far it feels so much better. i spray the hell out of my feet with odor spray and i tie my shoes tight and hit the road. it feels great. something tells me i might be doing long term damage instead, but who knows. we evolved this way right? can't be that bad. now i wish i had the ability to go that next step and simply work out barefoot. that would be great. but that would wreck havoc on my feet and probably the bones and stuff. but id still be willing to man up and try it.

so far though, it feels good.

Unmedicated

2010-03-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

so it's been done. a few weeks ago, i ran out of my ADHD medication and my doctor was on vacation, so i couldnt call him for a new prescription. im sure there was some way i could get around it, but instead, i just didnt bother. and now its been two weeks without medication, and ive decided to stop for the rest of my life. id like to start learning my natural self, and this will certainly be one step in doing so.

so far, physical side effects have included exhaustion, a little more hunger, and erections lasting for 14 hours at a time. im kidding about the last one, but the first two are real. i now have to get more sleep and eat food for energy, which i imagine how real people operate. before i would power myself on the pills all day and not eat till dinner and be totally fine. mental side effects have included being more outgoing, and saying things without thinking. so socially, this has been okay in most instances. im still able to maintain control in the things i say, except now i have to do so consciously. im just hoping i dont start annoying the shit out of people. for instance, during band practice, connor was trying to talk to brandon about drum beats and i let out a loud WOO into the mic just for fun times. he thanked me and continued. its not like tourettes, but similar. so far, my friends find me more entertaining, and i can only hope its in a good way, not a clown way. what really matters is that i can maintain the same amount of focus in class and serious situations. and that's all i was worried about. at first i was thinking to get the pills for the energy boost, but it's just not worth it. so begins a new chapter of my life i guess. let me know if im getting on your nerves

Other blogs

2010-03-24T12:46:00.000-07:00

im starting to think now that my other blogs were mistakes. i mean i formed them for organization, but i do such a poor job on them that im not sure if it was a good idea. ill admit, my movie reviews are hilarious in their poor quality, but it's not something to be proud of. unless i called it "keenan's shitty movie reviews", then it would make sense. same goes for the album reviews. i mean well and i hope to spread the word of these great bands, but if you think that professional reviews can take up a whole webpage or article in a paper, my two paragraph reviews are terrible. i read them recently, and they are similarly hilarious in the way ive terribly written them. so if you like them, then thanks, but im pretty sure they are wasted space. it's too late now. ill just keep them up and maybe i will improve.

Finally, some music

2010-03-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

this is it, i mean it. as you may know, ive been playing in a "band" with connor and his drummer friend brandon (a.k.a brandywine), mostly at connor's girlfriend's church and once at the high school. but of course, we only do covers because i dont write anything and it is easier that way. but we are running out of covers, which is okay because for some reason ive got some big inspiration. following my temporary dip into extreme heartbreak and sadness, im on an upward climb towards self-actualization.

while im still struggling to do so, ive been making attempts to write stuff for the connor/brandon group. with them i envision my real goal, influences of Wilco and Delta Spirit mixed with whatever originality i can bring. finding a band name is hard, as you may have read in my bad band names post. but we will worry about that later.

what is closer to becoming real is my musical project with Katie (previously known as "the cute girl from french class"). after performing once at an open mic in long beach, she is determined to form a duet. and for a little bit i was really excited but i had no idea what direction to take with the music. however, after seeing an amazing show by boris smile last saturday, i know just what i want to do and have started on it. so things are lookin up. stay tuned.

Bible thumpers

2010-03-16T18:33:00.001-07:00

Today, as well as last tuesday (or thursday, i forget), there is some kind of bible group that takes it upon themselves to populate the upper campus and shout at students like assholes.

naturally, i was curious to see what they had to say. but it's sad that so many students fall for the trap. its such a sad situation. these guys hold up these signs that say stuff like "atheism will send you to hell" or "masturbators, sinners (etc) it's not too late, find jesus" blah blah blah blah blah. however, it seems that to some students, these signs say "im an idiot, and i need you to tell me, so bring all your sarcastic, your patronizers, your hard-headed and argue with a wall". because that's what ends up happening. i passed this one girl having a "discussion" with one of these jesus freaks and she was ever-so sarcastically pretending that she had interpreted the bible wrong for the entirety of her life. the first time these asscracks were here i was with kelsey, and she took it upon herself to challenge a guy who held a sign that said "in 5 seconds i can have you following jesus" or something similar. now i was curious to find out what he meant as well, but kelsey, she took the bait unfortunately. and the guy handed her a pamphlet. so the trick was that it takes him 5 seconds to hand out a pamphlet that you have to read front to back and then be magically converted.

basically what i'm trying to say is that, first of all these guys are utterly stupid. that goes without saying. i already hate christianity, but these guys really give them a bad name. everyone knows, religion is like your genitals, you should never expose it in public and you should never shove it down children's throats. but here these assholes are on a college campus of all places. but what's really disappointing is how these students fall for it. it's all well and good to stand up for what you believe in, but there's no changing the mind of these guys, so don't try. it's a waste of your time, and it's what they want. instead, maybe make and hold a sign of your own that says something like "jesus was a zombie. he ate brains" or "yay for sodomy". that would be both hilarious and would make you not look like youre falling for their stupidity.

Summer teaser

2010-03-15T17:36:00.000-07:00

for those of you not in California, you should know it is burning hot. all of a sudden, we went from mild wintery weather to stereotypical t-shirt weather. hot stuff.

i feel like it always does this every year. i think it's a southern california thing. but i feel like it always does this. it will be randomly hot right around this time between february, march, and april, but then the rain comes again somewhere, or it just stays cold enough to have to wear a sweater. but when it's like this, it is really shitty because the morning and nights are still sweater-worthy, but the days are lava hot. so then you have to either freeze in the morning or take off and carry around your sweater all day. what a bitch

this post is stupid but it's better than the last few.

Kayaking

2010-03-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

so enough with the troublesome emotional posts.

today i went kayaking with colin and his father. i had to get up early, but it was completely worth it. we launched out into the bay by 2nd street and explored around. i dont know what it was, but it felt great. i think it is similar to riding a bike. it is somehow liberating to be surrounded by water in a little vessel meant for one. basically that was my day. i had other things going on later, but that was my day.

Notice

2010-03-08T10:55:00.000-08:00

i dont know what im doing anymore

None

2010-03-06T12:18:00.000-08:00

the extent to which i hate myself and the life i lead can only be measured in my perpetual disappointments and compounding neuroses.

Can you be where you want to be?

2010-03-04T21:02:00.000-08:00

Wilco. they have the song for everything.

with my recent revelation that problems exist in our lives and that nothing is gained when we ignore them, i have been thinking a lot. i have noticed that all my years of poor school performance is one of two things. im a lazy fuck who is unable to see the big picture, or deep down i dont really want to pursue a career in psychology. i have to admit, it is my second choice to music. but then again, that raises the second problem.

my music is shit. ive been talking for years and years and years and im 20 and ive got nothing. just talk. and im beginning to think all those years of praise from teachers and relatives has clouded my judgment. i am not special. i am not a unique little snowflake. im just another person who happens to have limited knowledge about the workings and creation of music. that doesnt mean i have the extra-sensory ability to craft songs that matter. Jeff Tweedy has it. Avi Buffalo has it. i hate to say it, but even Conor Oberst has it. i dont have it. my mind is unable to interpret life through metaphor and mindblowing twists of language and notation.

on top of this, it is also becoming more and more obvious that i lack some sort of crucial understanding social interaction. bless the fate that has endowed me to have the few friends i have. i have to say in all honesty, i am pleasantly surprised to find that when my friends return from their respective colleges, they have an interest in being in my company. especially when i do such a poor job of maintaining communication. but this problem goes beyond that. it seems when i meet new people, i either fail right away, or i seem promising at first and then i fail when i relax my inhibitions and my true self is revealed in the slightest. and i can't entirely change that. it's just who i am. and if i can't change that im fucked, because im missing something that most other people comprehend.

that number 20 is glowing in gaudy vegas lighting constantly in my head. as far as im concerned ive wasted at least 10 of those years doing amounting to nothing. and what im beginning to consider more and more are the next steps to take. i can either kill myself, or hit the road and give it one last shot. both situations would obviously be very drastic. but what i am doing now hasnt gotten me anywhere. so it only makes sense that i make a change.

i admit this is a little extreme, but i hope you, the reader, can try and understand this area of the progression of my life. one day i will die. and i will have nothing to show for it. im at a divergence in the path, and what im doing in this very year determines which is North.

Anger

2010-02-24T10:19:00.001-08:00

oh how i miss thee. not many know that when i was young, i would have very little control over a large amount of constant anger. it would manifest in terrible physical and emotional form, making a fool of myself and probably my parents. but for years now i would say im still very angry, but now only at little things. you know one of those people that "snap" every now and then? the whole volcano thing? that's me. so good and bad.

today i received yet another speeding ticket. my second within id say three weeks. the other one i deserved, but this one i could swear i was not speeding. it was between two red lights, how fast could i be going? and i was so close to school too, already late. but amongst my small anxiety attack and screaming at the top of my lungs in my car, i realized i was very very very angry and a lot of things. ultimately, i was mad at myself for being an idiot. as much as id like to believe i wasnt going to that fast, there is really no way to be sure, because clearly i cant tell.

but im also angry at society. im pissed that we have speed limits that are so low. im angry that i cant get to where i need to be at the pace i need to be there, my speed is controlled by the follies of man before me. im at the mercy of countless assholes and dumbfucks who dont really deserve equal rights because of their stupidity and are unable to gauge their ability to drive a vehicle. im angry that these people were irresponsible and caused the need for such low speed limits, and that i live in america where these things are difficult to contest unless im a helpless crying girl. but again, im angry at myself for not being more observant.

i can handle a car at 50 mph. apparently, 50 seems like nothing to me. 50 seems normal. to travel on a major street at 35 is ludicrous at the thought. i wouldnt get anywhere at the time i expected to. but now it looks like i have to. my parents breathing down my neck, the law suspiciously more vigilant, i have to actually follow the goddamn speed laws, to the decimal. so now when i think it will take me 10 minutes to get somewhere, it will take me 20. when i plan to leave early from my house to give me 20 minutes to get somewhere i will have to leave even earlier. and as a human being on planet earth in the united states of america, i have absolutely no control over this. ok im grateful we dont have to ride on fucking horses, but really, i am profoundly angry. after getting two speeding tickets, it really makes you realize you are THAT MUCH MORE constrained in the country that is supposedly the best. for a nation built on freedom we are a fucking failure. the uncontested bureaucracy in this country is outrageous, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. it would quite literally take a revolution. the masses would have to rise up and kill every ceo that caused a recession and went without punishment, every crooked politician, every manipulative agency that might be gaining too much control over the "preservation" of our freedoms. and even then, there can never be absolute freedom. its as if america thought it could overcome that in the beginning, realized it wasnt true, and is now spending all its remaining years in denial. those who know me can attest that im not very political, and the reason for that is because i feel it is futile. it is the recent unfolding of events i have let my guard down and my real views are revealed, so take it in while you can. maybe ill go to canada.

The brink

2010-02-23T13:32:00.001-08:00

that's where i am now. at the brink of something great. i can feel it.

it's been a while, so let's catch up.

i performed at an open mic night on 4th street in long beach, a place called Viento Y Agua. i did a cover of French Quarter by Delta Spirit. and despite having one audible lyrical trip, i did quite well singing and playing piano, it was very well received. the lady who runs it personally asked me to return. be forewarned, im going to sound really cocky when i say i think it's because of the environment. it's like someone who is the best on a junior varsity athletics team, but knows they won't get any playing time if they went to varsity so they just stay where they are to excel. i know that radiates all kinds of poor personality traits on my part, but it's true, and also not particularly positive for me. compared to the mediocre and above average acts at the open mic, i think i introduced a sense of professionalism. but in the end, i only performed a cover, so as far as im concerned i cheated. most people who go up there perform their own original stuff, some of them read great poems that are actually interesting. i wont really be successful here until i get the same reception for having performed an original song.

also, i've been playing at Connor's girlfriend's church. they have this event called the Lounge where they serve coffee in their little complex and have an open mic. it's always this emo kid, another emo kid, and then connor and i always play last, considering ourselves as the headliners. the second time we added connor's friend brandon, playing a bass tom and other percussion to keep it nice and acoustic. the first time i got ahead of myself and my voice fractured a little and i got the vibe that there was mostly a pity applause. the second time, we became famous, especially because we ended our 4-song set with Build Me Up Buttercup. so now, we are preparing to play six songs for this friday. it will be big. but again, all covers. so while it feels great to be behind a microphone, there's always that black hole that absorbs my joy and reminds me that nothing i am performing is original content.

also, there is the scratch orchestra again. i've mentioned this before, it's the modern-style orchestra made up of non-traditional instruments playing classical pieces. this year i have a really complicated part in our big song, so that should keep me challenged.

overall, when i mention the brink, i feel like i am about to do something big. but i am missing some sort of key component. my biggest problem is writing lyrics, butt now im finding difficulty in writing a song as well. every time i try it ends up sounding like something else i recently listened to. i have to trust my influences and just write what is truly original. that's what separates the bands who make it from the bands who remain unknown. it's originality. for instance, avi buffalo created a sound that is specific to him. before he came out, i had never heard anything like him, and even now i would have difficulty comparing him to some other band. that's what i really comes down to. you write what you want and just hope that people like it. but it doesn't change the fact that im having problems with all around. it's my biggest problem right now. actually, besides the lack of a job and trying to improve my academic focus, it is really my only problem. and i should be grateful for that.

Emails from an asshole

2010-02-17T11:10:00.001-08:00

http://dontevenreply.com/

go there. and enjoy. i spent an entire day reading every single one. some of them i even read during class and i had to try my hardest to not laugh and disguise my smiles as awkward facial contortions from scratching or stretching etc.

what this guy does is answer the ads posted on craigslist or something similar in a way to first lead the person into thinking they will find what they are seeking, only until he messes with them, usually ending in their frustration. either they laugh along with him and then get mad, or they will be polite and then get mad, or they are mad from the start. it's great. and if this guy hadnt already done it i would be all over this.

The little redhead girl

2010-02-12T03:25:00.000-08:00

just like charlie brown, i have a crush on a redheaded girl. and of course, im talking about the girl from the office, Ellie Kemper. that's it. she's great.

The complications of MLIA

2010-02-10T14:26:00.000-08:00

for those of you who don't know, MLIA is My Life Is Average, a website similar in structure but the polar opposite in content of FML. it is filled with these positive stories who love the word awesome, harry potter, and celebrations of mediocrity. go check it out, read a page or so and come back to the rest of this.

now when i came across this i read a few pages and i became contemplative. my first question was: Who the fuck are these people? im beginning to suspect that some of these stories are made up, or fantasies of nerds. for instance, there are stories of schools peppered with rebellious teachers, or those of romance found in seemingly strange and normally unbecoming similar interests. sometimes i feel that these people are losers in real life, because a lot of these little fairy tales are simply novel upon reading about once, and i can only imagine them being experienced by the kind of person that i was annoyed with back in high school. these were the kids that everybody knew for their flamboyant personalities and outrageous behaviors. these kids would feed off of attention, sometimes garnering a few laughs and approvals, but mostly being incredibly obnoxious to those who knew better. and id like to think i am one of those people. a little pretentious? yes, but you probably know what im talking about, and you therefore agree.

while i do find some of the submissions entertaining, there are others that just disgust me. there was once a story about a guy who was watching himself do a slow-motion shooting scene off of a reflective window in his house. but then he realized a woman outside could see him and instead of giving him the weird look he deserved and disappearing forever, she played along. they had a "shootout" through his window, and she pretended to die behind a car. and when this poor boy looked for her, her phone number was lying on the ground and now they are getting married. my first reaction was to call bullshit on that. but think of it in realistic terms: they both got incredibly lucky. i think it's safe to say that a majority of people in that situation would be weirded out and that would be that. it's slightly frustrating to try and describe the people i envision when i read the stuff like that. i imagine they sometimes wear humorous shirts that are funny once and never again. i imagine that they take part in nerdy events and purchase things like those hideous blankets with sleeves for the irony.

lastly, i start to think that a little bit of it is just me. have i gone too far? am i just THAT fucking negative that i have to weaken and dissolve other people's happiness? part of my true instinct tells me that i am partly correct, in that MLIA is mostly a celebration in mediocrity that would never happen to the average person. but another part questions my attitude and wonders that maybe im too negative to experience this sort of thing on my own, or its simply that i am just too cool to go through with some of the dumb shit that happens there. im always spouting like a priest with dark secrets about the pursuit of balance in this world and yet i feel i am negative far more often than positive. this is going too far, and im going to stop before i annoy everyone just as much as myself.

Costco

2010-02-07T16:28:00.000-08:00

i really had trouble thinking of a good title, so i just went with the place that most of this revolved around.

first things first: drive to costco and refill my gas tank. on the way there is a left hand turn light, and on the median, i spotted a clump of black fur. fearing the worst, i inched up next to it, and sure enough, it was a dead cat. now i hate cats and i would never want one as a pet, but that doesnt mean i get a boner when bad things happen to them. what troubled me the most was that i was staring at this disfigured corpse with mouth agape and a lone eyeball disconnected and hanging out looking at nothing in particular, and while doing so i wasnt sickened. have i seen so much bad stuff that nothing gross affects me anymore? in a way i consider it an advantage but its also sort of concerning.

also, while buying blueberries for my mother in costco, i had my way with free samples. and while purchasing these blueberries, i decided im applying for costco, because of all the beauty i was surrounded by. i think you know what i mean: the sample ladies. just kidding. im talking about Constance, the red haired girl who helped me complete a transaction. and another girl two registers over. plus, there also seems to be a lot of walking and lifting involved, both of which would be good for me. neat.

other than that i literally stayed inside all weekend. it was pretty bad.

Survival of the merciless

2010-02-03T11:07:00.000-08:00

at CSULB there is a shuttle system that is meant to get students around campus quicker. there are two buses that go all the way around, and then one bus on either major side (east/west) going back and forth. you would think this would be efficient, but it's not. if this system was in japan millions of japanese citizens would go crazy and commit seppuku. buses will arrive in a large window of up to 30 minutes, and if youre late for class this makes all the difference. sometimes you have two buses showing up at the exact sometime, and the opposite happens in which nothing will show up for when you most desperately need it. im not entirely sure how they manage to go out of sync like that but it happens.

anyway, on such an occasion where the buses disappear, human traffic piles up. today, there was a group big enough to fill two of these shuttles with possibly a few people left behind. and we were all waiting for one. here is where we students are divided. there are those who are polite, not wanting to appear like a ravenous shark on meat when the bus comes into view. then there are the strong ones, like me. in this instance that the bus begins to pull in, i assess where it is appearing to stop and with absolute subtlety i squeeze my way to the door as fast as possible. it is at this time that i throw manners and patience out the door. this is about getting a seat to sit in and getting to class on time, and i will do what it takes. as mentioned in a previous blog, it is here that fat people finally discover an advantage to their grotesque form. they are usually the size of the doorway, and if you face one in a tie it is obvious who has most of their body already inside the shuttle. it's a savage world.

ps. to the anonymous guy who commented on my 'stupid big-ass truck driver' blog, thanks for the birthday wishes. keep up those dick meetings.

The last cigarette

2010-02-03T01:02:00.000-08:00

i havent smoked in months. okay, since i had finals i suppose. i estimate two and a half months or so. and i also havent had the dread or hopelessness that i require in order to smoke. and for these days and weeks and months that ive been driving around, there has been ONE cigarette left in my box of natural american spirits. and i havent had the need to smoke it, so its just there.

until tonight

it was a combination of a celebration yet hopeless frustration. it was a feelgood and feelbad sort of smoke. tonight i made another friend at long beach and then spent some extra time with another. success compounded on top of success. then i was driving her home on the fun street. for those of you who live around here, you know the one. loynes or lynes or whatever. anyway, i was being totally incompetent, which is not usual for me when i drive, and i got caught. usually, i only make mistakes when im driving with people. its a strange phenomenon. anyway, 63 in a 35. so i didnt notice the cop and for once i got a speeding ticket. it wasnt until after that we thought of a possibly good excuse. so now i have to put job-hunting at priority #1 so i can pay off my dad who i will have to ask to pay for the ticket. fortunately long beach is within LA county so i can take traffic school online. but still. i cant tell if i should label this night good or bad, but i definitely wont forget it.

either way it was definitely worth the last cigarette.

If only...

2010-02-01T11:43:00.000-08:00

i dont think this needs any explanation.

we could have been exploring the galaxy by now.

Birthday

2010-02-01T09:56:00.000-08:00

...and today i turned 20. i feel terribly old

it's scary to think that all those years on the playground, are all gone. all those years of tumultuous teenage woe, gone forever. im ever closer to becoming a self-sustaining person in society.

yesterday i was a child without a care in the world, tomorrow i'll be on my deathbed.

Package recieved

2010-01-29T13:09:00.000-08:00

yea, so about my missing Incase sling pack.

after weeks of deliberation with fedex, they finally reported that my package was mis-delivered to a different address, down the street a few blocks away. i commend fedex for doing their job, though whenever they said they would call back, they didn't. i had to call them.

so vinny was here visiting for the weekend, and we drove down the street to get my package. a nice older woman answered and gave me the package...

WHO keeps a mis-delivered package for over a week? a day even? who does that? if i got a package wrongly placed at my door, i would deliver it to the right place right away, not keep it. that would be like stealing or something...seriously who does that?

oh well, i got it, and im glad.

....but really, who does that?

My interview with guys who drive huge cars

2010-01-27T18:21:00.001-08:00

i decided to conduct an interview with an asshole who owns and drives really huge cars. first off, let me say i didn't want to do this, but i figured i would give them a chance to say what's on their mind.

me: hello sir, can you spare some time for an interview

guy: yea, i was just on my way to the dick meeting

me: yes, and i see you are driving your big fucking truck that's raised and has abnormally large wheels. are you a contractor or someone who deals with construction?

guy: no, why do you ask?

me: oh i was just asking because there is no other reason why you would need such unnecessarily large wheels unless if you had to constantly haul heavy equipment or building materials around. otherwise it's just stupid and impractical

guy: no way bro! it's because when i drive i want to display that i am higher and larger than everyone and i'm compensating for an idiotic and insecure personality

me: wow, asshole, you use surprisingly big words for an idiot. anyway, did you know that instead of impressing everyone you are viewed as a gigantic fag (in the new improved south park meaning of the term)?

guy: hey not chill bro! i got a buddy who drives this nice suv with these bigass rims on them. they are so useless and huge!

me: about that, those are even less useful and the opposite of nice style. is your friend the father of a huge mormon family of morbidly obese people? probably not, he's just a stupid dumbfuck

guy: IM LATE FOR MY DICK MEETING

it was a grueling interview, but i got through it. now that i have it all clarified, we can all agree that people who drive those kinds of cars are douches.

Whales and fish and stuff

2010-01-27T18:15:00.000-08:00

today was the first day of my marine biology lab class. lots of good field trips coming up.

but at the end of class we had to do that corny thing where you introduce yourself with your name, your major, and a creature of the sea that you like OR your reason for taking marine biology (besides needing the credit).

i was going to be last, and for the longest time i was thinking of saying, "I'm Keenan, im a psychology major and......i like turtles".

but i didnt because i didnt want people to think im a weirdo. i still laughed to myself.

oh man...

I got it!

2010-01-27T12:41:00.001-08:00

i have finally figured it out, my teacher for Personality of Emotion looks like Liam Neeson:

on the first day i thought i recognized him but i just couldn't figure it out until today. and i chose that picture because it's like i too am being mentored. i don't know how liam neeson is in real life, but in both star wars and dark knight i would say he is pretty badass. as well as Taken. he has a very special set of skills, skills that he will use to teach me about the psychology of emotion.

this post is stupid, i know.

Awkward class today

2010-01-26T12:38:00.000-08:00

tuesdays and thursdays, i take PSY 363, Developmental Psychology, also known as Awkward Situation On the First Day 100. not really, but today was super strange and interesting.

arriving early, i was given two fliers by a young girl. one was a leaflet about how my teacher, Professor Kevin MacDonald Ph. D, was the co-founder and member of a political party that stresses the rights of White people. the leaflet continues in saying that he is affiliated with neo-nazis and other white supremacy organizations, justifying acts such as genocide and slavery. the second paper was a list of classes offered by other psychology teachers that one would take if they wished to boycott Prof Mac and drop his class. and so, this girl had the ovaries to sit there and wait for this guy to show up so she could announce and re-read what is written on the leaflet. along with this girl was a guy who planted himself as a student and began recording on a digital point and shoot. the girls finishes, and leaves. and then this professure, he just laughs. most questions were "asked" by the guy recording, basically loaded questions. the girl comes back at the doorway (RIGHT NEXT TO where i was sitting) and starts arguing with this guy.

now some of the real students had real questions, like if the information was true. in the constant pursuit of balance, i was willing to hear this man's argument. there's always two sides. and he defended himself by saying that he does not encourage racism and discrimination, and that every ethnic group has similar organizations. i think it is safe to say that what he said is true, there are special scholarship foundations or groups that are aimed at supporting those in their specific ethnic background, and it is only fair if white people have one too. simple logic if i ever seen it. however, the girl's argument was that because of racism and discrimination, whites have already been ahead and the cause of the specialized ethnic groups is to make up for years of being held back. also, a truth. his cause makes some sense, and her cause is noble, but in the end, the reality settled in.

we are in a recession, and the amount of money we put into college education is higher than ever. and the same question i was on the verge of asking was stolen from my lips: "do your political views influence your teaching of developmental psychopathology?" and he says no, of course not. and, for now i believe him. it would be almost difficult to relate the two subjects, unless he started saying something like, "mexicans are known to be more crazy and than white people". and since he hasn't, i just want to get what i paid for. at this point, everyone agrees, and the girl leaves. the plant student continues to ask loaded questions, and a guy in front of me asks him "ARE YOU RECORDING THIS?" which i noticed in like two seconds. and for the big shutdown, leave it to the sassy black woman up in the front, "I PAID FOR MY EDUCATION AND IM GONNA GET IT"

so super interesting, but being observant of what was about to unfold in front of me it was very tense and very awkward. like if you were at a friend's house and their parents were intensely fighting...imagine how uncomfortable you would be. it was like that. i can't know for sure if my professor is actually racist or not, but im glad i had the patience to not jump to conclusions and think rationally.

FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-

2010-01-25T12:11:00.000-08:00

ASL;DKNAEIF43T89WH(P*#H#85HAW;EGJ0ADF;LAWADFKL!!!!

Okay, i needed to get that out of my system. in my psychology 356 class i had this fat girl sitting next to me and her fat arm was on the armrest and was completely invading my comfortable space. in order to avoid it, i had to sit with my arms tightly locked to my sides and it was the most irritating 40 minutes. can you imagine having water dripped onto your forehead with nothing you can do about it? it felt like that. now i know i complain and whine about fat people a lot but DAMN i never usually have to deal with them on a personal basis. sometimes i wonder how they managed to fit into these small chairs year after year.

now yes, i am aware that im being relentlessly mean and hurtful but i really can't stand it. if i apologize for it now you know i would not be entirely sincere. when i was in japan a fat person was a rarity. and here we have specialty retail stores that only sell plus sizes. it's disgusting and unacceptable. i vow to never ever let my body fall into such poor care and disfiguration. i also hate fat comedians to constantly make jokes about their size. it's not funny. it's not something to be proud of in any way. the way i see it, it's okay to be fat as long as its okay for people to openly put you down and make you ashamed of it until you develop an unhealthy eating disorder to reach a more average weight, therefore progressing the human race.

Oh, man

2010-01-22T17:31:00.000-08:00

FedEx tracked my sling pack as arriving yesterday, January 21 at noon. they said they left in on the porch, no signature required. so WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PACKAGE?

first theory: delivery guy is numb after years of delivering packages to people, he went to the wrong house, or the wrong city, or just left it in his truck. who knows? people all make mistakes, some people do it in their important jobs where their personal incompetence leaves customers in distress. LIKE ME

second theory: some piece of shit fucking asshole took it. this theory is a little more outlandish, but you never fucking know. im not blaming it on race either, i would be just as angry if some dumb white kids took it and i would find them and commit acts of inhumanity. seriously, if it was stolen and i just lost $80+ i will be fucking enraged. it's strange, because i had guys working on my house at that time, and i was most likely asleep. and i remember checking all day, constantly checking the outside for my package.

so i called FedEx who then assigned an "agent" who tracks down the driver and does some stuff. they report back to me within 48 hours. that's really nice of FedEx, and honestly, i think that really is all they can do. if it was stolen, they're buttfucked and im out of money, but how is a delivery guy going to remember ONE PACKAGE out of the mass amount of packages he delivers throughout the year? he's not.

in conclusion: IM FUCKED.

It's 2:45 in the morning

2010-01-20T02:55:00.000-08:00

actually, it's 2:55 but elliott smith didn't write a song about that time for me to reference. but seriously i cant sleep. i tried to sleep an hour ago at least and i simply couldnt. my mind was racing with the most random things. i can remember that it started with thinking about Avatar and then somehow it segwayed into Knight's Tale that movie with heath ledger. and then i tried really hard to sleep and i got into that mode where you think about sleep so you can't do it. maybe that's just me. and now for some reason i still can't. it's really making me irritated because i have to wake up early tomorrow. sleepy times.

in the meantime, with the money ive been making from selling last year's textbooks, i ordered this little baby online:

as you can clearly see it's made by incase, and this little number is built to hold macbooks and macbook accessories, which i have. so this will be great for school. i've always been a huge fan of the one-strap sling for reasons that elude me. backpacksackquacknacklacktackwhack

as i mentioned earlier (sort of) i saw Avatar today. in imax 3D. and it was amazing. i almost cried more than once in that movie i felt very attached to it. maybe it's the 3D talking but i just felt like i was there and everything that was happening was quite real. i now want to live in the forest and experience nature as i was intended. i see you.

i have to get a job so that i can learn to be a contributing member of society and earn money for myself so i don't have to rely on my poor parents for everything. i need to stop being picky and just really go for it. it's not like im busy all the time making fantastic music. muzak.

despite my fears and self-criticism, connor has suggested we play at another event. i'm actually sure i didn't mention this earlier, but connor's gal pal madi has this new thing at their church where they will serve various caffeinated drinks and have entertainment. connor and i did three songs, but i got relaly into it and my voice kinda broke a few times. i thought connor would regret it because he hates looking foolish and was already nervous about playing in the first place. but there is another one of these coffee things and we are playing three more songs. just covers. normally i wouldnt want anything to do with a church, and especially with any event that brings about the funding of a church, but i really liked the feeling i got behind that microphone. i felt like i was supposed to be there and i just let myself go. the reason i messed up the little bit that i did last time is because i let myself go too much. i have to learn, as with all things, that finding the balance is crucial to optimal performance. optimus prime.

Dogs and why they are superior

2010-01-16T04:12:00.000-08:00

to branch off from my last post, here is another thing ive been meaning to get at for a while.

Dogs are the best pet. ever. and there is no arguing against me. it's arrogant to say that and don't i know it, but it's true. you ever see hollywood make an inspiring movie about a kid and the cat that helped him through his troubled childhood? No. ever see a family movie about the pet turtle who played basketball? of course not. because dogs are awesome.

When you really think about the dog, and what that animal embodies, they are truly pure positive energy. they are created to love and seek pleasure. sure they need a little training every now and then, but anyone who is competent enough to own a dog can achieve that. i admit, i had it easy, Genki was a perfect dog from the beginning, but anything extra that i taught him didnt take long at all. dogs only exist to please you when taken care of properly. get them fed, get them sheltered, and get them to explore the world, and they will love you. it is exactly as easy as it sounds. they radiate positivity. and when you turn that into negativity, like making them fight one another, it becomes the worst. they are confused and hateful and it's a whole mess that really shouldnt happen. like nuclear energy. its great when applied well, but it can be devastating when applied negatively, am i right? as far as im concerned, my dog was the sun.

cats? cats are assholes. most cats i know are rude and ungrateful. you give them food, they eat it and disappear to sleep in a crevice for 20 hours. oh? you say sometimes they sleep on your lap? they are using you as warmth. they dont care about the interaction, its the warmth they want. cats are selfish assholes, and i never want one. ive only met about 3 cats that i actually like, which is not convincing enough for me to ever pay money myself to get one. as much as i admit that ferrets look cool, any rodent is just an entertainment pet. it doesnt really know you. it doesnt care. it just wants food. and food. and sleep and food. hamsters, rats, whatever, not that great. turtles? why bother? dont even consider them. reptiles? same thing.

i mean these are all good pets, i suppose, in all solid meanings of the word pet, but a dog, a dog is a companion. a dog is a family member. i was bummed when my hamsters died. i will the mourn my dog for the remainder of my life.

i could have composed this post a lot better, but i dont really have the need to organize it now this late at night. or in the morning. the point still stands. get a dog. love it and it will love you, and neither one of you will regret it.

R.I.P Genki

2010-01-16T03:52:00.001-08:00

As most of you know, my dog Genki passed away on January 13, 2010.

due to sudden complications of a tumor in his abdomen which was apparently the cause of a hidden cancer, i had to put him down. symptoms developed the night before when he was very sick and becoming a loner. i didnt think it was serious because he had been the same Genki just hours before, jumping around and being his usual Genki self. it was all quite a blur. i had to carry him everywhere and they brought him into the vet clinic on a stretcher. the diagnosis was delivered and i had to make the decision just as quickly to help him. i kept my composure until i got to the car, where i finally realized what had happened.

There are a lot of things to be learned from this. I personally had never experienced death before, and there were many aspects to this situation that would bring about a change in my character. but first, more on Genki.

Genki was my dog. though now i see i have belonged to him more than i realized. i got him when i was 9 years old and he left me after an estimated 10-12 years of his life (we dont know how old he was when we adopted him). due to my awkward ADHD, he was known by many names, such as Genki Falenki, Poopy Dog, Smoochy Pooch, Genki the Dog, Gonk Gonk, and most recently, Genki Time. Genki Time was initially any moment i took out of my day to say hi, then his nickname became Genki Time. but anyway. when he was young i was young, and the only one in the family young enough to play with him and keep his energy at bay was me. as i aged, he aged, and we grew to understand eachother. this may sound stupid, but it really is true. i can recognize which of his behaviors conveyed something and i knew what he could respond to.

Genki was there for me in the stage of my life when i needed him the most. not only is middle and high school awkward for anyone, it was especially tumultuous for me. this became most relevant when my depression hit last year, and i was in a constant state of sadness most of the time. but no matter how bad it got, and no matter how much the world turned its back on me, there was always Genki. Genki kept me alive, he kept me going. in my worst moments he could even read my sadness and he would come over to lick my face, the best way he knew to show me he cared.

so in knowing that, im saying that Genki was in my life when i desperately needed him and he left to open new horizons. the first day, i am not afraid to publicly admit that i cried. a lot. the second day was difficult to get through. but by the third day, after pondering this entire event, ive come to see how my dog was truly the best thing to ever happen to me. ive come to terms that he was an amazing creature and that i will never get him back. ever. such are the terms of death. there were so many questions at first. how long is it fair to him that i mourn? if i try to get through it, isn't that just me trying to forget him? and i realized, i will never forget him and he will always be with me. and in his death, he reminded me that my life is fleeting. i had begun to forget that. i will be 20 years old soon, and my accomplishments are far below average. Genki leaving showed me that i cant depend on him forever, and that my life is just as fragile as his. i need to start doing something with myself. i need to stop talking, and start doing. and even in death, Genki is there to help me along.

now of course, the worst about not having him around is that for once i felt truly lonely in the world. i know my friends are here for support and my family offers its love, but i knew that at any time in the day i could see Genki and he would be happy to see me. so its the moments now that i am alone in which i am now truly alone. getting up in the morning, there was Genki. coming home late at night, i always said goodnight to Genki. and now it's just an empty bed covered in fur. so those moments are still small relapses into the worst, but then im reminded again of my duty to honor his death with my accomplishments.

Genki, you changed my life. you saved. ill never stop loving you and i hope our souls meet again.

Film from Japan

2010-01-08T02:20:00.000-08:00

as you know, if you read this blog, which you probably dont, i brought my trusty AE-1 film camera to japan with me. and i ended up with 12 rolls of finely shot film. developing this film will be a hassle, or so i thought. at first i was going to have them developed in groups of 4, but then i realized what the hell and did all 12 today. connor even helped me fill out all the forms over and over. lets say even when i order CD only it costs five bucks. thats already 60 dollars. i didnt really think of that until now and im really pissed. fucking, film. these pictures better be good or im going to punish myself by watching twighlight. when i think about it, vampires were pretty much never cool, and as far as im concerned, twighlight just made them that much dumber. seriously, the only cool people in vampire stories are usually the vampire hunters, am i right? even blade was HALF vampire, because if he was full he would be completely useless and stupid.

film from japan.

Unlikely Japan Day 15: Home

2010-01-08T01:43:00.001-08:00

aaaaaand im home. flight went well, customs went well, and everything is fine.

there was the new secondary security check thats been instated because of that dumbfuck nigerian guy who tried to bomb a plane on christmas. i was really worried because of my ocd and i was worried they would ruin my meticulously packed things. and then i forgot that i was on a japanese flight dealing with japanese people. they were very polite and hardly did a thing to my baggage. so that was good.

all in all, i was genuinely sad to leave. japan is so welcoming, and the people are so nice, and the social attitude of respect and honor for oneself is something that can be studied and applied conveniently to make our lives better. ill miss my grandparents who did so much to take care of me, i wish i could stay and help them as they age. i might go back for good one day.

Unlikely Japan Day 14: Last Major Day

2010-01-08T01:37:00.000-08:00

today i was to start early. i had a lot planned.

i went to Ueno Natural Science Museum. it was amazing actually. i dont think ive ever seen bones of so many amazing creatures of ancient times. i think if you get someone who doesnt believe evolution, i just put them in this museum and say, "look". you see the mass amounts of evidence studied by scientists and all the work of man put into this and its amazing.

anyway afterwards i went to Ginza, the central tokyo. first there is the Sony building where they have the latest releases to come out. including hd video cameras that can zoom in on little fuzzes of dust, and 3d television. then i went to the Leica salon which was really disappointing because it was like one floor of leica cameras and then about 5 pictures from one guy.

with all my extra time i went to the imperial palace and watched the changing of the guard, which i didnt know existed in japan. then against my grandfather's advice, i went to Yasukuni Jinja, the war memorial shrine. its very controversial in Japan because it celebrates the men who brought war upon Japan, so a lot of people dont feel like its right to be there. it wasnt a great memorial, it was more like just another shrine.

so i went home and packed for the next day. thats it.

Unlikely Japan Day 13: Travel Savvy

2010-01-04T00:54:00.001-08:00

ok first of all, i thought i was staying in japan for 16 days, including the day i arrived. but ill be leaving on the 15th day. i dont really know what is going on, but i am terrible at math so im not entirely surprised.

anyway, today i had planned to go to Yokohama. again, on the outskirts of Tokyo, and again, entirely on my own.

first i went back to Akihabara district to find a new pair of sony earbuds to replace my broken ones, and then when i returned my grandfather took me out to sushi. but not the normal sushi, the kind with a conveyor belt and you just take the sushi you want off the belt and put it in your mouth. ive never done that and it was definitely more interesting. and in japan, they have all kinds of fish that they dont have in the US. i dont even know what the english names are so i couldnt tell you which ones, but i know they are not on the menu back home.

so then my grandfather guided me to Yokohama and told me how to get home and i was off. let me first mention a few things i noticed from walking around this city. if you are a foreign country and you want to have good relations with Japan, put some kind of memorial in Yokohama. also, there are cats everywhere in the parks...thats it i suppose. so first i went to the coastline (its on the shore of Japan) and just got a few pictures. a street performer caught my eye and i watched him for a little bit. he was pretty good. obviously i couldnt fully understand him, but from what i could tell he was funny and intriguing. he does quite an original act, balancing on the top of a two-legged ladder and juggling. first he juggled three lit torches from the top step, but then he affixed two wood blocks on the tops of the legs and stood on those while juggling three knives. i assumed he couldnt top that so i went on with my other business. there isnt much to see in Yokohama for me personally, but it does have a lot of things to do. there's lots of sailing-related museums and sights, as well as a Chinatown, which is considered as sort of an amusement park. i thought that was hilarious. i didnt have a lot of time and there was really one main thing i wanted to see, the Foreigners' Cemetery. it was there that thousands of foreigners are buried, soldiers from war or foreign citizens who died upon visiting or something. unfortunately, the damn place was closed until noon on the 5th. i took as many pictures as i could from the entrance and along the fence bordering the place. i got lost in some neighborhood trying to find this place and it's closed. it was a long walk back to the train station, cutting through the chinatown. and now im home.

tomorrow ill be busy. i am now getting very familiar with the train system and the use of signs and landmarks to get around, so ill be able to do more if i start early. first is the national science museum in Ueno district, and then off to Ginza district to see the Sony building, Leica Salon (photography exhibit), and the imperial palace. later that night my aunt is flying in from italy. and then i start packing and prepare for the paranoia-driven network that is US security.

Unlikely Japan Day 12: Let's Lose Our Way Together

2010-01-02T23:59:00.000-08:00

today. the ray of sun that is today. but lets start at the beginning.

so today i planned to go to Kichijoji, which is a nice quiet town on the outskirts of Tokyo. i needed to get away from the city, so this is ideal. also, its a place that ive never been to before, because whenever my family goes to japan we always visit the same locations every time, and for once i wanted to see something new. initially, my goal was just roam around, and walk through a huge park, Inokashira Park. but then i found out that Kichijoji is the location of the Ghibli Museum.

for those of you who dont know, Studio Ghibli is the animation studio started by Hayao Miyazaki, the greatest animated movie maker of all time. and i mean it. he creates beautiful landscapes and characters with his stories, and each of his films always sends a great message to the viewer. he spans the spectrum of subtle humor and deep emotion, feeding the imagination with his wild creations. and if you he wasnt so old you could swear that the only way he comes up with some of this stuff is being on drugs. but he's not, and he is that much more a genius. to get a good grasp of what im talking about, watch My Neighbor Totoro, or Castle In The Sky, or Spirited Away, or my favorite, Princess Mononoke.

anyway, the only way to get a ticket to this museum in advance. either you buy it from a travel agency of some kind or from a ticket dispenser found only at the Lawson Station chain of convenience stores. and there are only 4 times a day you can go, to keep the place from getting to crowded and preserving the ambiance. early in the morning i went to one of these stations to find that there were no tickets available. so i thought i could at least explore the city still, so i went off to Kichijoji on my own. and since i was alone i brought my ipod for the 20 minute train ride, but i ended up leaving it on for most of the trip. when i get there, i walk through the park and take some pictures until i get to a narrow lake, where i rented a rowboat, so i could get some better pictures. i suck at rowing, mostly because im weak and my right arm is clearly stronger and more coordinated than my left, but also because the boat, like everything else in this country, was made for Japanese people. the oars kept hitting my knees so i had to sit weird. from the middle of the lake i got some good pictures with my zoom lens. after that, i decided to at least find the Ghibli Museum and get some kind of picture from the outside. i managed to find it so i walked around the entire building and managed to see the statue on the roof, a robot from Castle In the Sky built to scale. using the zoom i took pictures of that. but since i had made it this far, i figured why not ask the workers outside if i could get in somehow. one lady spoke english and apologized that they were sold out (which i knew). she asked me where i was from and when i was leaving to go back. then she took me aside and i THINK she was writing me a ticket voucher, because she started saying this is a special case, but THEN a couple came up and spoke a bunch of japanese to the worker, they had a conversation, and the worker, she turns to me and says 'you are very rucky'. it turns out for some reason the couple couldnt go, and decided to give me a ticket. i tried to pay them, but being japanese, they refused. i shook their hands and thanked them a bunch, and so, i got access to the Ghibli Museum. i was very rucky indeed.

Ghibli Museum is a complex designed by Miyazaki himself, with articulate details throughout the architecture. there is stained glass depicting characters from his movie, birdcage spiral staircases, even the bathrooms had french labeled faucets and old wood chairs and such. it was designed to match a solitary cabin somewhere in the great outdoors. as soon as i get in, they give you an official ticket that is made from 3 frames of an actual Miyazaki film reel. in the brochure, the translation for the theme of this museum was Let's Lose Our Way Together, hence the title of this blog. one of the main rooms was the animation room, which showed a variety of exhibits explaining the process of animation. one of the setups was a bunch of figures depicting characters from Totoro, fixed to a wheel. this wheel would spin and a strobe light would illuminate the next 'frame', showing the figures movements in each burst of light. one floor was a recreation of Miyazaki's studio, with sketches and model concepts and papers everywhere, shelves and stacks of books about gardening, masks, scenery, all of which was inspiration for his landscapes. another big exhibit is the short film, and each guest is allowed to see it once. i feel like this blog is running a little long, so i wont describe what it was, but it was fantastic. i made sure i saw every room, and i ended up buying the museum book so i can show others who cant go. i also bought a keychain of a forest spirit from Princess Mononoke. finally, saving the best for last and waiting for sundown, i went to the roof via birdcage staircase. there was the Laputa robot, build to scale, with real plants growing on it just like in the movie. and the sun was perfect. i took a lot of pictures from various angles, just to make sure i get a good one. amazing. on my way out, the same worker lady was there, i thanked her again and headed back through the park and went home.

AND just to top off my good day, as i was close to my granparents apartment, my ipod knew what was up, and played Home (Folk in G#) by Boris Smile.

Unlikely Japan Day 11: Nothing Doing

2010-01-02T00:36:00.000-08:00

today was the day my cousin went home. so there was really nothing to do.

after she left around noon, i went to Shibuya and bought this humidifier ive been wanting. its really awesome i cant wait to use it when im home. i think by buying this i have finally reached $100. thats a humidifier, jeans, and gifts for people. and i only need a few more gifts for people, and headphones. that should be about $50 maximum. when i get home i want to buy the incase sling pack for my laptop for school and stuff, so thats like $80. then i need to get hired by a job so i can be somebody in society. and start saving money for my next guitar/amp set. actually, guitar/amplifier set. im starting to get annoyed by the word amp.

this post isnt really about japan i suppose. all i have to do now is figure out new subtrips for myself in the next two days.

Unlikely Japan Day 10: New Years Day, When Tokyo Finally Sleeps

2009-12-31T23:37:00.000-08:00

this morning we all had the traditional meal, i cant name everything because there is a lot and they all mean something. i also had to drink sake from a golden cup, and normal sake burns. it was nothing like the hot sweet sake i had on new years eve.

after the breakfast, we visited the local shrines to exchange charms and pray to the ancestors. in order for the shrines to make money, you have to make an offering of small change when you pray, and then you have to buy new charms to replace the previous years charms, which must be burned. the streets were really empty though. this is the day when everyone just rests. normally, you would rest like this for 3 days, but i think some major businesses here and there will probably start up again. hopefully they do, or else i will have nothing to do for the next two days. after visiting the shrines i fell asleep and didnt wake up for a few hours. i definitely caught a cold from last night, but that doesnt explain why i am so sleepy. i went with my grandfather to buy more charms for my aunt, but that was sort of a mistake because my nose was really bothering me and i was running out of tissues.

besides taking a bunch of pictures at these shrines and cemeteries, there is nothing for me to do today. speaking of pictures, ive completed 8 rolls of film. yikes.

so tomorrow...i have no idea

Unlikely Japan Day 9: Entering the New Decade

2009-12-31T07:55:00.000-08:00

WOW. this new years was amazing.
initially, i think i mentioned i was going to go to Shibuya square and do a countdown, but that was based on a rumor and i had no idea whether or not a countdown existed there. while looking online to see if it does occur, i found something much, much better.

new years eve at zojoji temple is not only closer to where im staying, but also a lot more eventful. if you get there early enough, you write your new years wish down, and then they hand out helium balloons. you attach your wish and at midnight you let if fly to the mercy of the sky. my grandfather took me there so that i would know how to get back. and then i stood around for an hour taking pictures every now and then. there was hot sake and a ton of people. mostly japanese, but there was a surprising amount of other nationalities. by the time the countdown hit, i was standing next to an australian couple, an american couple, some chinese girls, an unknown european couple, a french couple, and a couple of midgets. i know midgets isnt a nationality, but goddamnit they were there.

zojoji temple is a large temple that spans a lot of ground among various buildings. in the background stands tokyo tower, lit up ever so nicely. at around 30 minutes till midnight, some monks stood around a large bell (theyre going to ring it later, its a big deal) and did a chant. then the head monk said some stuff, then these two announcer people were just saying a bunch of stuff (i heard them mention obama for some reason, my japanese is really this bad). then, at the minute mark, tokyo tower started a light show, and the large countdown clock went active. at midnight, everyone let go their balloons and i had only 6 shots left in my camera to try and capture it. i honestly didnt do my best, but we will see. it was a quite the moment to be a part of, and im ever so grateful that i was there to experience it. ill never have a new years quite like this one.

despite the crowd being so massive, that is what i loved about celebrating new years. it is a community of people from all aspects of life getting together to celebrate one single cause. thats an amazing thing if you really think about it. for me, the symbolism of entering the new years surrounded by couples reminded me that im going to die alone, but then again, we all die alone, so i think ill be alright.

welcome to 2010.

Unlikely Japan Day 8: Japantastic

2009-12-30T03:35:00.000-08:00

today i made up for yesterday and got to take pictures at Ueno park. its a huge park and its full of shrines and the homeless of tokyo. its officially the first time i used my zoom lens so that was nice. it was convenient mostly because i didnt have to walk up to various subjects, and i could take pictures with peope not noticing the camera so much. according to my grandfather its rude to do street photography where you take pictures of strangers.

i went with my cousin and grandmother to a little hip district Daikanyama. i say hip because it reminded me of long beach or something. it had very bohemian style shops. we were primarily there to find some kind of 300 yen store, which turned out to be a 315 yen store, specializing in cutesy girl stuff. so i wandered around and found this place that was like a mix of urban outfitters and street culture. really cool stuff here and there, and i got an obscene glove for neal (he said find me something that screams japan).

so my mother found out i was drinking with my grandfather at dinner time and got all anxious and made him stop. terrible.
also, i wondered if my mother thinks in japanese or english. probably japanese, but there's no knowing for sure considering her english is so decent..

tomorrow, im thinking of going to Shibuya square to join the masses in the new year's eve countdown, we will have to see.

Unlikely Japan Day 7: Something New Year This Way Comes

2009-12-29T00:36:00.000-08:00

today we were supposed to visit the local park and i had my zoom lens primed and ready. but the park was closed. we called around to some other parks, most of which were closed.

they dont celebrate christmas here, but they love their new year. on new years eve they all gather at whatever shrine and count down and go crazy. they ring a bell a bunch a times, and the really traditional people eat noodles that symbolize long life. this part is sometimes ironic, as sometimes they include mochi and the stickiness causes old people to die on new years as it gets caught in their throats. im a terrible person. anyway, new years day, you eat this specific variety of food that you will be eating for breakfast the next day and the day after, and then you visit your local shrine to do a few things. this includes praying for the new year, attaching new years resolution to a special tree (it actually looks really neat when there are a lot of them) and also burning all of the previous year's charms. then you buy new ones for the next year. its a big deal. and its also hurting my vacation. i want to go out and visit stuff and take pictures but i wont really have full access to everything until the 4th.

since we were rejected by our previous plans, we decided to just have lunch at home. i went to shinjuku with hana to check out a store called comme ca that was described as something we might like, but it was really expensive and not too great. roamed around shinjuku, then went home and had dinner. not great. tomororw i hope to go to Ueno park which is huge and not closed, then i can use the rest of my film.

side note: my grandpa has a box of tic tacs advertised as having less than 2 calories. how many calories in one serving? 2.9. clever.

Been on my mind

2009-12-28T16:18:00.001-08:00

in the midst of being in japan, ive noticed a phenomenon that i cant pass up. as you may know from reading previous posts, i am confused by the physical sameness of the asian races. being in japan, ive held this to be multiplied one hundred times, and ill often see the same person 10 times a day wearing different clothes. but seeing so many faces also offers the full variety of asian characteristics, and in this i have also learned that they are not entirely different from that of white people. how? ive seen the asian version of people i know. friends, actors on tv, acquaintances. i cant name any right now, but i definitely saw an asian person and thought, ''that looks like (person) except it is the asian version.''

in the words of south park, i learned something today. and that is while asians still manage to all look very similar, they are not as different looking as i thought they were.

also, is this post racist? i hope not. i didnt mean to at all, im just being entirely honest. unless im honestly racist and i just dont know it. anyway, i just thought i would say something ive noticed.

Unlikely Japan Day 6: All Kinds of Shenanigans

2009-12-28T16:01:00.000-08:00

today wasnt much. there was Daiei, which is another big department store. for those of you who dont know, when they say department store, its like Sears or something, where each floor specializes in a specific aspect of your life. from kitchen to furniture to crafts to toys to electronics, all of it in one multi-story building. its a big deal.

then i went back to Shibuya because i found more of my dads nerdy train stuff, so i finally finished getting all of that. and now his spending money to send me to japan is justified. i also found some clothes i might get.

for dinner we braved the wind and the cold to go out to eat shabu shabu. if you havent had it, its when a large pot of boiling water is placed on your table, and at your own pace you put the beef in and cook it yourself, which happens in less than 30 seconds. you then eat it with sesame or ponzu sauce. theres other things you can boil like lettuce, tofu, other vegetables, noodles, and mochi. it was goood. and of course my grandfather and i shared a few beers.

tomorrow i have no idea what im doing, but it doesnt matter, because im in japan.

Unlikely Japan Day 5: Asians Everywhere

2009-12-27T16:17:00.000-08:00

today's title is rather obvious i know, but i went to Asakusa, which has a very large and very popular shrine housed right by the train station exit. there's a long, long walk down a huge street of vendors on either side, finally to the shrine where it is said that a golden figure of buddha is housed inside, but nobody really knows except the butthole monks to take care of the place. probably a faith thing. got a few pictures here, but it was just so busy and there was the constant threat of somebody bumping me or walking into my shot. there were not only tons of japanese people, but middle eastern and chinese and everything. just everywhere. i saw some stuff i wanted to look closely at to buy but since i was with my grandparents and cousin i couldnt really stop and make them wait. ill have to come back later when im alone.

then i went with my cousin (Hana, if you remember) to Shibuya, and checked out more shopping spots. i managed to find a Bape store. its a really really popular and well designed line of street clothing, so i know Keith will like those few pictures. i managed to get one picture inside before the guy told me no pictures. what i should have done is just say i dont understand japanese, and then keep going, but i dont want to be a typical american in japan.

thats it. not much else.

Unlikely Japan Day 4: Buddha Pray to Your God Or Else

2009-12-26T14:52:00.000-08:00

today my grandfather took us to Kamakura, home of the big buddha. look it up. it was built thousands of years ago and survived all natural disasters. ive seen it a billion times but now ive got my camera. there was some merch for sale that i wanted last year but never got, so seeing it being sold a year later i just went ahead and bought it. the surrounding area is really nice and a little less built up than tokyo. for lunch we had some stuff you prepare yourself. i had it last year but i forgot what its called. basically in the middle of the table is a huge frying plate, and they give you the ingredients and you toss it all yourself. then you add whatever flavors on top like mayonaise or soy sauce. delicious.

then there was another basic shrine at the end of a long street. i know it slightly minimalizes the effect when i say 'basic' but really, ive seen a lot of these, and its like seeing a church in europe. they are everywhere. still, not bad, some history here and there.

what really made it was what i call the secret shrine. my grandfathers legs are weary so it was difficult for him to make it up the hill to get there, but he did because he is everlasting. anyway, the entrance to this shrine is a cave carved into the side of the road. once through, it opens up to this little hidden sanctuary, its amazing. theres a natural koi pond and a prayer bell, all of your basic shrine necessities. but this one also has a little cave inside where there are pools of water in which you wash your money. the idea is that when you wash your money in this water, you spend it and it will be returned unto you many times, making you rich. i doubt it, but who knows. being the badass that he is, my grandfather got a rickshaw ride back down to the main road.

i ended up taking 3 rolls of film, one of which i used the lensbaby. hopefully they come out well. also, im thinking i might need more film, especially if i keep taking pictures like today. at this rate i wont have enough.

Unlikely Japan Day 3: Starstruck

2009-12-25T15:12:00.000-08:00

i dont remember what happened today because i was stoned the entire time.

...just kidding.

today i went to go exchange my dollars to yen, the exchange rate is horrible so it was sort of a letdown. also i went to go look for more stores to finish buying my dad his nerdy train stuff but the one we found was closed.

Hana (my cousin) had to meet her godsister (i dont know how that connection works) in Harajuku, shopping and weirdo central. if you look it up, Harajuku girls (and boys) refers to the weird goth/vampire/whatever kids that dress up in these strange costume and sit around being dumb. the attention they recieve as a photo op for tourists is what they feed off, because at school they are shunned for being weird. so basically think of american goth kids and band geeks or something. anyway, i didnt buy anything but finally got a lot of good pictures.

nearby is the Meiji Shrine, the largest in the city. more great pictures. but heres the best part: i ran into Aziz Ansari, the comedian who is now in Parks and Recreation. since most people dont like that show for some reason, he also had a stint on Scrubs, he was in an episode of Flight of the Conchords as the racist fruit guy, and he does small roles in movies like Funny People. i didnt know what to say because i love his characters. i sincerely do. he is most of the reason i watch Parks and Recreation. and do you know what i said when i saw him? despite all of my knowledge of what he does, all i could say was ''hey youre the guy from the...shows!''. then i asked if i could take a picture. i didnt even tell him that i love his stuff, or ask what he was doing in japan of all places. i need to work on my conversations with people i admire.

what is especially weird about running into aziz ansari in japan is that last year, Nels Cline from Wilco was on my FLIGHT to japan. i think it would make more sense to meet these people at an event in like a concert or movie premier, but not vacationing in japan. i feel honored to have met them both, its almost strange that they arent just any famous person, but people i especially look up to.

anyway, that pretty much made my day, my month, my entire trip.

Unlikely Japan Day 2: Nerd time

2009-12-23T23:17:00.001-08:00

i dont remember saying this before, so ill remind everyone that my father is an avid model train guy, and so he gave me $200 to spend on various types of train stuff he had all listed and printed out. it was like a childs christmas list. i wanted to get that done as soon as possible so i can mail the stuff out and not have to somehow pack it with my things when i return.

however, this morning i went grocery shopping with my grandfather. he was surprised at the amount of stuff i was suggesting we get and i was wondering why. it wasnt until we had lunch that i realized they shop on a day to day basis. so they thought i was buying all this food to eat in one day. i was thinking they were getting stuff for the next week or something. i guess they really like their food fresh.

it wasnt until after that i went out to get the nerdy train stuff. there was a specific store i was to go to, listed on a map that my father made. i only managed to find a little bit of what he wanted, which was still a lot of stuff, but that only added up to about $70 worth. ill have to go back and get more, or look for another model train shop that does have what i couldnt find at the first one.

ill finally be seeing my cousin tonight, then we can figure out how we are going to sleep in the same room. i dont mind but with her i never know. i really wish i had my guitar for downtime, because i didnt bring anything to do except a journal. that journal is where i write down the days events until i can get to a computer and post it here. i also brought it so i can finally write lyrics, but we all know how that goes.

quick note: you will notice my punctuation in this blog is usually forgotten on purpose, except when needed most in contractions or something, but with this keyboard i honestly cant find the apostrophe button, the closest i can get to is some sort of ` thing but that`s not the same (see). so for now its tricky. i just didnt want anyone to think i have especially horrible grammar.

Unlikely Japan Day 1: Arrival

2009-12-23T15:16:00.000-08:00

so begins the first entry of my trip to the motherland of Japan.
it wasnt that hard going through the airport, waiting around sucks. and there was a lot of waiting yesterday. while in the terminal, this nice guy named Takumi told me they had changed our terminal. he knew something was wrong when there was a china airlines parked outside the window and somehow he knew i was not headed there. i know his name, because i found out 5 years ago he moved to America to attend a college in fullerton to study business. he comes back to visit his overseas girlfriend in japan to keep their relationship strong. cool guy.

the plane ride started out alright. they changed my seat earlier from a middle to an aisle, so that way a family could sit together and i could be moved. then i watched Funny People, Julie & Julia, and half of Coco avant Chanel....say what you will, but they were all pretty good. but i say half of that last one because thats when the sickness kicked in. i figured i had been watching too much in the dark and i needed to sleep. well i slept and it didnt help. i was fighting to hold my sanity in there. seriously, the guy near the window had it closed, and for some reason the plane just started feeling like a prison. usually i love flying, i think its amazing, but this trip is long. i dont even know how long, like 14-16 hours or something. and the last quarter of the trip was terrible. i would spend minutes in the lavatory sitting on the toilet with the cover down, just so i could lay back and stretch my legs with a wet towel on my face. then for the first time in my flight history i got sick but it was worth it i felt so much better afterwards. that last 3 hours was hell.

skip ahead to going through customs half dead from fatigue, and i was waiting for my 90 minute bus ride to Shirokanedai, the district my grandparents live in. who should i see at the stop by my grandfather, who disobeyed my mothers orders of leaving me to do things by myself and decided to meet me at the bus stop and escort me home. cool guy.

by the time i got to their home i was hungrier than expected, and sleepier than expected, which was a relief. i slept really well, and im that much closer to synching myself up to japan time. i had a good breakfast and everything. today i guess ill be doing some grocery stuff with my grandmother and getting my money and train passes set up with my grandfather.

i should remind everyone that i cant develop film until i get back, so there wont be any pictures. ill just have to tell you that im taking a lot of them and that we will see how they turn out after i spend a ton of money at costco developing them.

Samplin'

2009-12-16T00:59:00.000-08:00

recently i procured ReCycle by Propellerhead. for legal reasons i won't say how. but i will say it is awesome now that i have a good understanding of how to use it. the problem is i dont have physical tools to assign samples to so i sit there for hours just clicking each sample to see how to go about remixing it.

im getting ahead of myself. what im doing is getting some indie goodies, cutting out sections of the song and making trip hop -ish remixes. so if you know Flying Lotus, or Damu the Fudgemunk, or Pogo, combine the best parts of those guys and that's pretty much what im doing. so far the farthest projects that are both satisfactory and closest to being done are remixes of:

Two Weeks by Grizzly Bear

Sleep by Copeland

One Last by Avi Buffalo

and recently My Girls by Animal Collective

trip hop can get very repetitive and boring sometimes, like it's rap counterpart, so that's why i threw Pogo in there because he explores all kinds of beats. check him out.

so anyway i figured i needed to write something and there you go. i probably wont finish those when i want to so dont get too excited. not that you were.

i also had an idea to name each song after one of mah buds, for example, Zenon (feat. Grizzly Bear). that would be sort of hilarious.

Japan is getting near

2009-12-08T10:30:00.001-08:00

Ain't that a fact, sooner than later. ill be finishing my last final and going home to pack. i havent even planned on where im going in Tokyo for the two weeks i will be there. however, here are some things i do have planned for this trip:

writing: i have to leave my guitar behind, obviously, so instead ill bring only a journal and a pen. not only will this force me to write, the experience of being away from home relatively alone will finally let me get some thinking done. ive been saying it for years, but i really feel that i am honestly on the brink of something. ive been singing and composing in a way ive never done before and have never felt more satisfied with. so there's that to look forward to.

bike parts: i got some pretty good stuff last time, so we'll see if i need anything that i can get for a good price. i dont really need anything, so maybe i'll just save my money

train model shenanigans: this is for my nerdy father. he is seriously going to write a list of geeky train model stuff i have to buy in japan and mail back to him. i guess i owe it to him for paying for this trip, or paying for the home i live in, or paying for the college i am doing terribly in. ill try to get those done in one day.

...i cant think of anything else so that should keep you interested.

Watch your umbrellas

2009-12-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

i WAS going to write a hate rant about how people's umbrellas are dangerously close to stabbing my eyes, but i realized that it IS raining, and some people use umbrellas as a necessity. furthermore, it is not their fault that they are horribly unaware of their surroundings and have little spacial knowledge of their newly opened devices. so. oh well.

ahh okay, i still hate them.

Life is short

2009-12-02T13:30:00.001-08:00

don't you hate it when you get a quiet moment to yourself and you realize: one day, i am going to die? i HATE that. i hate thinking about it. but for some reason today i am okay.

usually, it will be like right before i sleep, and then that thought sneaks into my head and all of a sudden i can't stop. one day, i will be blind and deaf and unable to feel or anything. i will be zero, nothing. usually im overcome like the breaking of the levees on Pontchartrain. but right now, im okay. just thought i would write that down before the moment passed.

Busking

2009-12-02T13:13:00.001-08:00

busking is basically the word for street performing. and that is what i plan on doing.

i have a decent voice, ill just play the guitar, and hopefully make a little cash. which i could use. im thinking maybe i go to 2nd or 4th street in long beach and set up there and just play on my free time. i still need to think of some anti-theft methods, which im not sure about. so far im thinking of somehow attaching my guitar case to my chair, but then again they could just take money out. people are fucking stupid, it's dumb that i have to worry about that at all. but i did some research and theft is definitely a problem. i even watched a video of this street performer getting his stereo stolen in Venice.

besides the possibility of dumbfuck thieves, i have two problems: memorizing enough songs, and picking the right ones. im not sure what is allowed when it comes to either reading songs off of a tab or having to memorize all of them. i mean that would be so much easier to make simple tabs and read them off while i play, but that probably looks less legitimate. i will have to practice my ass off to memorize my setlist. and then, to keep things new, i would have to memorize a bunch more if i were to go back. but the 2nd problem comes up anyway: choosing good songs. obviously, i would love to sit and play wilco, delta spirit, dr. dog and such, but most people dont know those songs. while they are great artists with a lot of great pieces to play, what really reaches out to the crowd is stuff that is popular. and i dont mean stupid attention whore stuff like playing lady gaga on guitar. thats not funny. its stupid. but honestly, since i dont listen to old stuff, i dont know what is popular to play. where do i even start? i actually dont know where to start looking. i need stuff from all of the past decades, popular stuff what will make some of the older people in the crowd to flashback to their younger days. maybe they lost their virginity listening to Michael Jackson? so i was thinking of playing Thriller, both for that reason and as a sort of tribute. some old guy might be like " i met my wife when i was listening to thriller. here's $20 for reminding me that i love her now". thats how i plan to make this work.

i can't wait. there's potentially a lot of problems, like choosing the right time, the right place, proper crowd interaction. but it would be totally rewarding if i made someone smile. or if i got like 5 bucks. that would be cool too.

It's good to see my old friends

2009-11-28T01:40:00.000-08:00

...even if the first thing they do is ridicule my scarf.

Surgery

2009-11-20T17:03:00.001-08:00

reader beware this might be a little graphic or just plain gross. i mean i wont describe anything that bad but i know some people are weak.

so im having difficulty typing because my left middle finger is wrapped up. why? i performed minor surgery on myself and i felt really cool afterwards.

it started back about a week ago and i had this odd hangnail that was causing a little swelling and stuff so i peeled it off. the bleeding that occurred was expected, so i neosporin-ed that bitch and wrapped it up. standard medical procedure with K.M. so a strange bloody growth formed, or i could say sprouted from this wound. it literally spilled over a little onto my fingernail. gross. i figured my amazing body would fix it but it didnt. extreme pain would follow any time my finger was touched. and i play guitar so this is a problem. after a week or so, i decided to take action today. i planned and executed an awesome surgery. after orchestra practice, i bojangled some medical gear together. hydrogen peroxide, cotton pads, nail clippers, a rubber band, a bowl full of ice, and the remaining 5-6 fast acting extra strength tylenol in a bottle. so i applied the rubber band (tourniquet), and dunked the finger in the ice (anesthetic). then i sterilized the nail clippers with the hp. after a good amount of time, i lined up the clips and sliced off the growth. it was clean and painless, though i could feel the snap of it being chopped off. much blood followed. taking advantage of my painless state i washed the wound with more hp, and then wrapped it in a paper towel. being resourceful i used the rubber band to keep that in place. then i chugged the tylenol and went to go recover on the couch. the paper towel is obviously leaving my finger unusable which is really slowing my typing. try typing without your left middle finger. its weird. yet i can still type more accurately than zenon. so far, i havent checked the wound, but it still hurts when pressure is applied. however it doesnt hurt any more or less than before so we will see how it recovers.

my scratch orchestra performance is dec 3. im pretty much prepared. i need to just practice the beethoven piece a little more ill be perfect. it should be pretty amazing for me. it will be i know it. i cant wait, i havent performed any music live in a while. so yea, come out and see it if you can. contact me for details.

Labels

2009-11-16T13:36:00.000-08:00

i just spend a lot of class time placing labels on all of my past blogs of importance. im not quite sure if that makes things easier, but it happened. ironically, i do not have a label for this post.

Weirdo McWeirdoson

2009-11-10T11:53:00.001-08:00

as usual on tuesdays and thursdays, i was in the library waiting for my next class. along comes this guy who sits down and finds a phone left behind by the girl who was sitting there before but she left. so he asks around and decides he will turn it in to the front desk when he goes back downstairs (this is the 5th floor). okay whatever

but then the weirdness starts. first, he is rummaging through his backpack and begins to narrate what he is doing, out loud. "time to study", "hey i found my paycheck, [blah] dollars, nice". he definitely wasnt talking to a physically existing friend, i made sure of it. then, he started eavesdropping on a group of students talking like 20-30 feet away. i have no sense of distance but it looks like about 20-30 rulers laid on the ground would fit the gap. anyway, he starts commenting on their conversation. it's the weirdest fucking thing and it's borderline creepy. im writing this as he's doing it. there's no bluetooth in his ear, no phone, not even a tape recorder to his mouth. actually that last one wouldnt make it any less weird, it would probably increase the creepiness. but seriously, what the hell is he doing? this group will talk about studying habits, and creeps mcgee over here starts commenting like "yea thats a good way to get it done", or "does that really work?". i think by now you get the situation, and you should try really hard to imagine how weird it is to be in the middle of it. im hoping he's mentally retarded or something because this is just strange. one day he will realize and hate the fact that he's not actually talking to anyone and he's gonna get some guns and go crazy. and i have no time for that.

Times, they be rough

2009-11-09T13:00:00.000-08:00

i hate to admit that my music has hit yet another roadblock. i hate that because its like ive been using that excuse forever, but this time it truly is a constructional stop i have made. while listening to music this weekend, i was noticing the diverse amounts of music that i enjoyed. and then i thought on certain songs,"could i write something like this?", and the answer was no, i would have never thought to do that. how can i be expected to form a supergroup if i cant think outside the box? i noticed that whenever i mess around with my guitar, the sound that comes out often reflects whatever i was listening to most recently. which is bad. it shows no sense of originality.

mostly, this all displayed that my personal songwriting processes are very flawed. very very flawed. ive programmed myself that simplistic songwriting is to be left to the shit bands, but i was instead going against my own creed of balance. what i realized was that some of the simplest songs ever made were the best. actually, it seems to be a common effect that the simpler songs make it on to the radio, but thats not really the point. whenever i try to write something, its always striving for what i saw was creatively superior. but it wasnt. i find myself never allowing anything to repeat, which is really completely harmless if utilized correctly. it's difficult to explain, but it was like i would never allow a word or line or chord to repeat. that is just one aspect i can put my finger upon, but there are many others that orbit the concept of my failure to embrace simplicity.

how do i fix it? no idea, which is why ive stopped for a little. in the coming sessions, i have to create things i would have never though of before. i have to fight my brain, which would normally do one thing, and instead explore all of the things it rejected without my knowing. i have to tread carefully, because i dont want to go too far into this territory, but the problem is there nonetheless. my parents are leaving for DC and will be there until monday so its a perfect time to explore this. i know it sounds terribly stupid and utterly ridiculous, but im actually scared for my musical essence as a whole. i could come out of this better than ever or totally lost.

Avi Buffalo at the echo

2009-11-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

November 5, i saw Avi play at the Echo. it has been a good long while since ive seen him play, and things have definitely changed. while i was searching for a good picture of them online, i was in sheer amazement of the numerous results that appeared to the query of Avi Buffalo. its fucking extraordinary. i knew he was getting popular, but not this popular.

the show itself was great. Avi and his crew have definitely established a sense of consistency now. before, Avi would solo on a song and it would be different every time, with fervent use of his 2880 multi track looper thing. but now its the same solo as it was officially recorded, with only a few little changes. and thats not a bad thing, it's the sign that Avi is growing into a band. Ever-growing female drummer Sheridan told me a few months ago they had been signed to Sub-Pop Records, and indeed it was revealed in the past two months that they have. The show i went to was actually a single release show, though i had no idea. truly, it was a sight to see, and a sound to hear. i loved it. Avi has changed a lot of his songs, but they definitely sounded a lot more professional that way. back when i saw him at Murufest, Avi would hit some screams in a couple of his songs, which was very exciting and powerful, but it was not the case at the Echo. i guess he feels more laid back now or something, it was still great.

i think what i truly find..."magical" about seeing Avi is that i have been able to observe his increasing popularity. back when i first saw him, he was playing with one of our shared idols, Nels Cline from Wilco, though i had no idea who the man was at the time. i was already astounded by the kid on stage suspiciously named Avi Buffalo. and through these few years i have seen the various changes in his group, the new songs being made, and now the signing of his band bringing him to the brink of the indie mainstream. he's not quite there, but there's a good chance you will hear his name on the mouths of the trendy. my brother texted me the other day saying Avi was being played on the radio up in San Luis Obispo. its crazy. this would be the first time i would be a part of something like this. could you imagine being among the first few Brits who saw the Beatles play in a small club somewhere in London or something. thats what it must be like. im excited FOR Avi, and Sheridan (in case you're wondering, the cute girl in the red), who's been so kind to keep in touch with me and fill me in on all of the band happenings. i seriously have to stop writing im getting way too excited about this. so keep your ears open.

Something awesome this way comes (more Boris Smile)

2009-11-03T21:31:00.000-08:00

the night before halloween i went to a Boris Smile show on 4th street in long beach. it was something ive been waiting to come for a long long time. wes has been finding himself in England for so long ive gone through withdrawals. it was a great show. i once again felt those shivers shoot down my spine as the music released endorphins into my system from greatness. hee played a few oldies but mostly delivered a bunch of new songs to be released on his upcoming Rockets EP. and after the show, he asks me how the new ones sound, because, being such a longtime fan, he trusts my judgment. SO AWESOME

what was even more cool is that i spoke with the tuba player, Seth Schafer the night before at Cypress community. we met and talked about Boris Smile and such and so when i saw the show, every member of Boris Smile (except for the oddly mustached new drummer) knew me. it was a great experience.

anyway, after Boris Smile, the main headline guy played, Korey Dane. now dont get me wrong, Korey is good, but he lacks creativity. you hear two songs and its like okay hes good but you hear an album worht, and its lal the same song over and over. so i ditched that bitch and wandered around 4th street much to my benefit. i found another group of two guys playing in a wine shop down the street. they were good. and then there was a zombie parade thing where a bunch of people dressed as zombies clogged the road. some of them got really into it and smashed their faces on the windows and shouting "brains" and stuff. weird people man.

another related story: the same night i went to go see boris smile, there was a shooting at a Wilson High School football game on 7th street. scary, man.

IN CONCLUSION, i talked to Wesley and not only is he done with Rockets EP, he's already working on a full length album. so. theres that and im really excited. Its good to have Boris Smile back.

Meesta Harrisu! Lip my stohking!

2009-10-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

if you're really confused right now, that's a line from Lost In Translation, starring Bill Murray and Scarlett Johnasson. it's a japanese call girl who wants Bill Murray's character to rip her stocking. you know what, here you go:

so my parents and relative have designated me to go to japan again this winter to keep my grandparents company. also im escorting my cousin because she hasnt been there in a while and she would rather have me go than my brother because he's way older while im only a little older. im actually really excited even though i was there last year. because really, you can never get enough japan. and, i recommended that my grandfather take us on the trip to visit our Tada family shrine up in the north. one summer i was there he took my family to see it but my cousin never has, and now im older to further appreciate my ancestry.

also, this year around, i have the Canon AE-1 asskicker camera. so you can bet ill be bringing lots and lots of film. and depending on my internet access ill probably want to do a travel blog, sort of like a day to day thing like colin and his blog. im about 95% sure its going to happen. so i guess i have that to look forward to, though again will be missing my friends on break.

for me, the most exciting part is that my parents wont be going. and im not excited in the fact where its like "woo party in tokyo" its exciting where i will be on my own. over the many years i have gone on vacation with my family, ive never had to bother about taking initiative to plan anything, and they make fun of me for it because they are jerks. even my grandfather noticed i sort of "tag along" with everyone. you know why? because everyone else is all being anal and planning stuff all the time i didnt have to worry about it because i had to go to where they were going anyway so it didnt matter. but now ill have to figure out train stops and bus stops and all that completely on my own, and honestly im a little scared. but this will be great. for me it will sort of be an initial trip into the wild, except ill be in tokyo which is pretty much the opposite. im bound to make a few errors and even possibly get lost, but that's what ill love about it.

zero comments

2009-10-28T01:17:00.000-07:00

is how many comments i will have regardless of whether or not i honestly and freely say:

fuck your religion.

Stupid taggers < IS A DUMBFUCK

2009-10-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

who goes into a bathroom and sees some random ass letters carved into the wall or the mirror and thinks, "jeez who the fuck is this guy?". yea nobody wants to but for a second we all do. i'm not gonna be walking on the street, recognize some cholo and be all, "hey you're SMD i've seen your letters carved in a lot of fast food places and sidewalks". what a stupid piece of shit.

here's my solution: next to every normal tag that we come across, we have to put an insult next to it. i think that would be highly discouraging after it catches on. instead of thinking, "i'm gonna let everyone know i was here and carve my initials in the wall", egotistic butthole taggers will think, "damn if i carve my name someone is going to just write that im gay or something". it's a powerful movement that could take little effort. if i wasnt late for class while seeing "OAC" carved into the paper towel dispenser today, i would have totally carved, "is a dumbfuck" next to it. or if i had my crink marker i would use that. there's plenty of tags to go around for everyone. seriously, try it sometime, its very empowering.

you want to know why you would feel good? because you would win. when we sit there and read their tag, they win. we were forced to see it, read it, and consider it with our valuable brain cells and then we just walk away. add up enough people throughout the day and you have one individual asshole who, for just a few seconds in the day, is in a lot of peoples' minds. he doesnt even have to be there. its not like he's sitting there yelling his initials at you when you go into a bathroom or something. that would be weird. but you see it's a quick fix. if we simply added our own insults next to these tags, instead we would bring a little bit of comedic justice in the world. if you saw something like "OGB" or something and then next to it you saw "is a mutha bitch" you would be like haha and instead of wasting your thoughts on thinking about what idiot would do that, you would be thinking of how funny it was.

so get out there people, and start tagging those tags with insults. it's our time.

Crouching asians, hidden asians

2009-10-27T09:45:00.000-07:00

this isn't a racist or discriminatory blog. or at least i dont think it is. what im getting at is that if it does end up being that, i didnt mean it.

i've told the few friends i have about a fear of mine. a meaningless social fear in which im worried i wont recognize an asian person that i'm supposed to in public and ill look like a jerk. im supposed to know a few at my school, but there's a good amount of asians here so its difficult for me.

here's how it goes: i see an asian approaching and i have to look really hard to see if its one that i know because let's face it, they actually do look very similar. there's only so many slanted eyes and puffy cheeks to go around, you know? anyway lately i havent been worrying about it because i really just couldnt care less about that sort of thing, but today it backfired. i totally walked past a girl im supposed to know and i had no idea it was her because when i saw her face it did not register as "girl im supposed to know", my brain just put her as "asian girl walking". it was not until i was right next to her that she said my name and said hi. i was totally surprised and to me it looked like i was trying to avoid her and failed, so now i feel like a jerk.

in my defense, she had huge sunglasses on, and as far as im concerned that's like wearing a superhero mask. you know why you dont know who batman is? because he's covering the whole top half of his face, just like these humongous sunglasses.

so in the end, sorry asian acquaintances that my brain is so lazy it doesnt care to differentiate one asian from another. keep making good food.

Thursday night tv

2009-10-23T00:53:00.000-07:00

First, the office. did you watch it? you should have. jim and pam got really mad. never have we seen them this mad. and can i note that when pam started the office she was hot, then kinda waned, and then now she's gorgeous again. but erin is still pretty cute. still a crazy episode though, very intense.

also, 30 rock. you need to watch that if you dont. tonight's episode was hilarious. it was seriously fuckin hilarious. so many things were just amazingly funny i couldnt stop laughing. it was nonstop. and it was good.

ok whatever.

The zombie apocalypse

2009-10-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

today is a three-blog day, and im almost done.

recently ive been talking about zombies and the zombie apocalypse and stuff. a little bit. and i remember talking about this with a few of my friends, jokingly of course, about how we wish the ZA would come sooner than later, just so we would have something to do and give ourselves a challenge.

however, i want it to come for those reasons, and more. do you ever notice, that in any movie depicting the apocalypse of the human race, zombie or not, people come together. now as much as i hate so many things, i cant help but love to see people acting as a community. it's true. there are two kinds of people in these movies. the people who come together and help each other survive, and the people who continue to miss the bigger picture and prey on the first type. those people can fuck off and die. ill probably shoot them along with the zombies.

but its the first type i yearn for. when the zombies attack, and society crumbles as we know it, the survivors have no choice but to utilize their humanity in every way to survive. they are no longer classified by their job, or money, or race or culture. they are not held back by the internet, television, the latest news about kanye being stupid. they simply become a human demanding survival. and in this state, they care only for the other humans in their group, bringing about bravery and true moral standards with little outside influence on proper judgment. think about that.

my point is that it's sad that in these films or books or whatever situation i crazily made up in my head, it takes the ZA to bring this out of people. so much in society is holding us back from progressing into better beings, its disgusting. ive probably said enough, but you get it.

i feel like the makers of south park with my preachiness

Roadkill all humans

2009-10-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

when i was driving to school today, i saw a dead raccoon on the road and suddenly i felt really really bad. ive seen plenty of roadkill before, especially (and ironically) near the road crossing the nature preserve. what a shitload of fuck.

now i understand the need for animal control, but i think it should only be practiced with the safety of the animal as its prime goal. as of now, it operates on the comfort of the human and doing anything possible to rid of the animal. that's fucking stupid. they were here first. for thousands or millions of years or whatever. we come dancin in creating society and they get fucked in the ass. for anyone who's had a butthole for an older brother at some point in their life, it's like that. we automatically get the last word simply because we are better. how unfair and unjust. sure, my dog has been sprayed by a skunk before, its an inconvenience and it sucks, but did he deserve it? yes. it's nature at its best, being nature.

im not a vegetarian, but the only reason i could care less about supporting the movement is the futility. there's no way youre going to shut down something so productive and infinitely profitable. however, ive seen the documentaries, and it's horrifying. if youre going to kill an animal, you do it quick, and you do it painlessly. that's all i ask. because if you were being slaughtered, you would want the same.

holy fuck, people just need to think about being people.

A quick update on 2.5 things i hate

2009-10-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

why half you say? ill tell you.

skateboards are still annoying as fuck, now in a new way. i almost got run down by a douchebag on a skateboard because he thinks hes awesome when he tries to beat me to reaching the driveway handicap access of a sidewalk. in reality, i could have actually chased after him and beat him senseless because skateboards are shit.

next: fat people. you know i hate fat people. their fat has now reached a metaphorical level, in which they have crossed the line into....

shuttle rides. now this is what i half-hate. the shuttle is convenient so i dont have to walk. thats it. i half like it because of that. let me fill you in a little more. the campus shuttles on csulb somehow manage to cover a lot of ground, yet somehow, when you reach a shuttle stop, that shuttle will get to you within a time window of 30 minutes. it might get there in 5 minutes, you might be late to class by 28 minutes. very unreliable. sometimes, they get all crazy and two of them will show up at the same stop at the same time. so then students are confused as to which one to take and thats stress we don't need. also, you've already heard of s

ome bad things that have happened to me, but it wasnt until today that i realized that at least 50% of these bad shuttle rides were caused by fat people. today, i have found that they have abused their obesity in one more way today.

there was a huge group at the shuttle stop near my car this morning. yea, this one was pushing the 30 minute window. so the shuttle gets there and everyone crowds around like paparazzi on a movie star, and we're all discreetly pushing to get on and get a seat. i enter a dilemma. it comes down to me, a normal girl, and a fat girl. let me do a diagram as best i can:

shuttle doors

l----l

(( )) O O

wild snorlax --innocent--awesome guy (me)

there. that's it. i'd say that's pretty good for just using text.

now guess who got to get on that shuttle first out of the three of us? yea, wild snorlax, the big fatass, the fattie ding-dongs. by weight and body size alone she's taking up half of the doorway just standing there. so as courtesy we had to let her in first. i am john malkovich, fuck the fucking fuck.

little extra hatred coming your way: on the bus there was this weird guy standing in front of me with a miniature ponytail. a poor asian guy had the bravery to ask the weirdo "oh nice shirt what can of anime you like? do you prefer bandai?"......wrong move. oh DOES he like bandai? he'll tell you he does AND MORE. including unrelated things, like somehow MJ came up, which went into obscure elton john songs, and then somehow the subject of a movie called the bridge about how the golden gate bridge is used as a method of a suicide. however, props to the asian guy for actually continuing the conversation despite soon finding he had entered a world he didnt want. because its guys like him that keep the weirdos from shooting everyone. whattayagonnado?

i hate.

mon jour aigre-doux (my bittersweet day)

2009-10-21T13:02:00.000-07:00

that's the iron giant. that is also the current wallpaper on my mac. i just remembered this movie the other day so go see what i think.

tuesday. i had a french composition due, and an essay in sociology due. both: not done. i ended up staying home and playing music all day.

now as far as the music goes, i was amazingly productive. i raved on guitar and worked on my ideas there, i created the beginning of two new ambient-electronica works, and later i even practiced for orchestra. in that aspect i was highly successful

HOWEVER, i did not go to school and did not turn in those important assignments, and for that i felt like shit. i hated the fact i was wasting my parents' money, i hated the fact i was getting worse grades, i hated the fact i wasn't really contributing to society as a citizen. even today i still feel like shit.

and to make things worse, i called Tilly's to find they already hired or winter. WHAT THE FUCK. you'd think it would be easy to just walk right back in and get a job after having worked there before. i thought i had the job for sure but i guess not. fuck tilly's now i gotta apply somewhere else holy fucking shit fucking fuck. thats my john malkovich impression.

so as ive been saying, music is coming to ya. i gotta start writing words though. despite how ive neglected this for all the past years, i feel now that if i were to write anything, i have the confidence that at least some of it will be good. yea. but seriously, fuck.

More rumblings in more storms...

2009-10-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

my musical collaboration with lila has abruptly ended, along with our friendship. do not worry, i am not worried, it was a long time coming. in a way this will free up my recent creativities to be utilized by me and me only. i wont have to bother working with someone else who has difficulty singing in the correct key. ba-zing, that wasn't necessary.

upon seeing Brian Eno speak at csulb, i have since been really into ambient. it has been my mood. ive been feeling really ambient lately. on my zen in my car, i have listened to nothing but explosions in the sky, this will destroy you, album leaf, radiohead, sigur ros (sigur ros is awesome btw), and bon iver. thats literally the closest i have come to having ambient music right now. i would go get a lot more but demonoid has been down for maintenance. so naturally i have been creating a lot of ambient with Reason on my pc. its funny because if you were to organize all of my Reason files by date you would see a definite shift in what i was trying to make. it will start out with shitty techno, and then on to shitty electronica, and then a few powerpop files, and then some daft punk/justice-like files, and then some soundbits of stuff that sounds like empire of the sun, trip hop mixes, and finally a bunch of recent ambient stuff. if i were to get serious and really concentrate on just one at a time i would have some good stuff.

most of the time i make this stuff at night when i have nothing else to do. so when i wake up in the morning, i listen again to the awesome song i must have made. little do i know, my sleepy stupor makes my judgement severely flawed, and instead i start off the morning with, "wtf was i thinking when i made that song last night it sounds like shit and the noises i used were terrible". if i do come up with something good ill often listen to it over and over and over just to make sure im not faking myself out.

anyway, despite the fact that ive been saying for years prepare yourself for some music stuff, i really mean it this time. i still work pretty slowly, but it will get to you. so. yea. get ready and such.

Oh, and rumblings in the personal music storm

2009-10-15T13:18:00.000-07:00

my last post was about a major future plan. this one is about stuff actually happening.

i don't remember if i mentioned this but i joined my brother's 2-3 year old instrumental band playing bass. now bass itself was new to me, but its just a guitar so i mastered it quick. however, my brother went back up to San Luis Obispo for college, so, like every semester, the band goes on hiatus.

however, persian princess lila mahjoob has expressed desire to make music with me. and so far we've already made one decent song. its sort of like the same setup i had with taylor collins. she writes the lyrics, i craft a song, and then from there we fine tune it together. so she delivered another set of lyrics yesterday so ill be working on that. but that's it.

i DID mention in an earlier post that my bud connor too has agreed to make music with me but we seem to be pounding sand at the moment. this one really relies on my writing lyrics, because its way easier to craft a song around lyrics. so, you know ill get on that, like ive been saying for the past 5 years or so.

other unfinished projects are the various trip-hop beats i've created on Reason using various samples extracted in ReCycle. so far my best one is a song featuring samples from the Grizzly Bear single "Two Weeks". second best goes to a beat sampling "Impossible Germany" by Wilco. as for my electronica stuff i have no idea what direction to go with that, same with dance stuff. all on hold. yes, i do plan on creating music in each category. who says i have to stick with just one? could you imagine how busy i would be if i was more motivated and productive? i would actually be doing all of this stuff all at once.

my greatest concern is quality. my biggest fear is that i will write something inadequate and publish it to the world and then ill hate it. the second guessing doubt monster in my head already holds me back, because literally you could get a set of lyrics and write 100 songs to it, each fluctuating in quality but acceptable. so i always think, "what if i had written it differently would it be better?" i think i just have to zen it out and go for it. but knowing what i love in music i listen to and what makes good music good, it wont be so easy for me. who cares if people like it, good for them. if i dont like it then too bad im gonna go smoke a pack and never play it again and hate myself for a week or more. i just know it. but hopefully its good, so dont worry ill keep you posted.

Supa groups, supa aweome

2009-10-15T12:37:00.001-07:00

supergroup. i want to form one. really really bad. but i have neither the time, money, or connections to do so. im not talking about a bunch of superheroes. i mean big band with a bunch of people playing a bunch of stuff. arcade fire, broken social scene, most serene republic, freelance whales, anthallo, that kind of stuff. i want to i want to i want to. i think musically i am dominantly a "wall of sound" kind of guy. i would have to think extra hard to form something simplistic and great like radiohead or bon iver. but supergroup stuff? i think of a new song every day and i forget about it when i make another one the next day. seriously though. when i think of being on stage with a big group of people each contributing to a myriad of sound into one great song it just gives me chills.

one problem though: how do those supergroups get along? with so many people, you have that many different opinions. you cant let everyone just kinda come up with their own thing right? because what if someone else in the band doesnt think it's a good idea? then everyone is angry with clenched buttcheeks. it must work one of two ways: everyone just got lucky and happens to be on the same "idea frequency" as everyone else OR one or two people are in charge and everyone must blindly follow.

with the first scenario, i think you would have to be really fortunate and just know the right people. i think most successful bands HAVE to have very similar ideas or they suck. they have to progress with the exact same attitude from album to album. that's why bands either fail or have members leave, how many times have you heard a band member leaving and saying "oh i have creative differences" or something like that? a lot. because he wasnt feeling what everyone else was feeling. so it doesnt work. related side note: i hate Hate HATE hearing stupid kids saying they are in a unique band that blends all the members' interest together into some new category when it clearly doesnt. it'll be like "yea the guitar player loves blues and jazz but the drummer is metal but we have a synth player who's high on E listening to technotrance shit all day and the bass player loves bagpipes and african beats so its like we're making this new fusion of all of it". no, no youre not. unless you deliberately take the time to actually mix all of those genres together, which youre not, your sound is going to ultimately sound like the ONE possible thing you have in common, or youre all going to kill each other over your different opinions.

i think if i had a super group i would have to take the second scenario. definitely. i hate to sound like a control freak, but i would treat the band as my vehicle, i am the composer and they are my orchestra. if they can modify my ideas slightly for the better, then of course ill allow it, but it will be me releasing all my ideas through their bodies, since i dont have a hundred arms (or more technically not enough brain power to independently control a hundred arms). not that im treating my future band members like crap, its just that i cant do it alone and i need them but i promise it will be awesome. you just have to trust me. its just in my personality i think. im a band leader, though i can easily be a band member, less stress for me. one thing you CANT do: put two band leaders together. especially naive arrogant ones. what if you put jesse lacey in a band with thom yorke? the universe would divide by zero and implode, thats what. they would never get anything done. but occasionally you get something like an all star team of greatness, like the Monsters of Folk. thats because people like M. Ward and Conor Oberst have been around with nothing else better to do and are probably not psycho freaks and embrace the chance to create exponentially great music.

so who wants in? i remember asking keith if he wanted to play really easy guitar in it and he agreed. so when the time comes he's gonna have to take a break from being a dentist or whatever he's going to do and play in my band. and yes, i HAVE to have other people, because i love when people join into a community. i wouldnt want to be like rocket summer or some shit and do everything myself. how lonely. fuck that.

so in about 10 years or hopefully less, brace yourself. i will be amazing. you will know me and my supergroup.

p.s. keith, i listen to those three tracks by freelance whales i jizz my pants.

Band names

2009-10-14T12:36:00.001-07:00

HA, continuing a new subject from my last post. its too long of a subject to patch on to that last post. i wouldnt want a super long post like colin's.

anyway, band names. it wasnt until around last year i learned how important band names are. think of a band name like a tattoo. it has to be something that will always be relevant to you and never get old. it has to mean everything and nothing at the same time. a name like Wilco. if you get really really technical, it means "will comply" in military speak, but its known among fans that is not what the band name is based on. they just liked the sound. therefore, Wilco means nothing. but Wilco also means one of the greatest bands ever. its simple, short, but strong. you see the name Wilco, you know something good is associated with it. second place to that would have to be Delta Spirit. honestly, i cant tell if im being entirely unbiased but who cares. now Delta Spirit IS named after one of the band member's uncle's liquor shoppe. but that's really it. it has not deep emotional meaning, again, it just sounds great. two great sounding words put together to form a super great band name (and awesome band, for the record. pun intended). hell, even Brand New is a good name. even though they started as an immature punk band they still managed to put enough deep thought into creating a band name that will stick with them throughout their career and never get old or become irrelevant.

now this realization came too late. it wasnt that i thought dumb band names were good, it was just i didnt realize how important they were either. prime example of really really BAD retard band names: any name dealing with an inside joke, ANY form of punctuation, starting with a preposition, any name using absolute zero creativity and copying something they like. oh i have an example for each one brace yourself.

greatest inside joke band who will forever regret their stupid dumbfuck name: Green Day. it's their little play on either being high on weed all day or maybe having some really bad digestive problems for a day. i like to think its the second one, because his voice is annoying and they are like 30 years old wearing eye make up. grow up you foolish suckas. however, they are also an example that having a stupid band name in this category doesnt always mean youre going to be unsuccessful. but most of the time its true. a subcategory in this stupid category is band names referencing how your original band name was already in use or something. when i used to only buy cds back in the day i KNEW right away that any band using a name like that would be very bad. when i saw something like "no use for a name" or "band name in use" or "our band name was already taken and our music is really bad" i would look at and think you guys make shitty music. and i was 99% right, until i stumbled upon Name Taken, and any person who isnt a virgin knows that they are legends in music.

band names with stupid punctuation. pause. and immediately you thought, "yea, like those dickweeds Panic! at the Disco". i know, i can read your mind. for now, thats all i can think of actually, but i know when i used to read AP magazine i would see a LOT of stupid punctuation band names. you know what i mean. the worst i would say is that band called !!!. yea. its a real band. apparently its pronounced "chk chk chk", but they say you can say anything you want three times, so i call them "fuck fuck fuck".

okay bands with a preposition for a beginning. again, ill let you scan your mind and immediately your mental google has "Of Montreal" at the top of the list. yea. they left out "the Sewage and Shit...Of Montreal". lots of emo band names have that too, starting with of, at, across, upon, all of it. its disgusting. and when i see it i know right away, bad emo band. every time. without fail. except they do fail at making music.

lastly, the band names who take their names from culture. you know, im starting to notice a trend, but mostly this crime is committed by bad emo/scene bands. i know youre going to be surprised and appalled, but yes, there is a band called Devil Wears Prada. yes, there is a band called Garden State, and Rushmore, and Goldfinger among others. again, if you just scan AP magazine you will find a lot more and puke all over it. its terrible.

so you see, ive put a lot of thought into this. band name is everything, and its sad shame that there are so many bands out there just naming themselves some meaningless shit. sure, it might mean something to them in some insignificant way, but its a waste of space. its sad. and meanwhile, good people like me and connor are still giving a fuck. a BIG fuck. and any serious musician should do the same.

Music workings fail and natalie portman

2009-10-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

i saw zombieland last night it was great. i was looking forward to that movie for a long long time. i was so excited i wrote a review so go pretend to read that. i mention that ive recently accepted im obsessed with zombie culture. along with accepting that, ive also recently accepted that im obsessed with natalie portman. her movies are great, she's smart (harvard grad in PSYCHOLOGY yeaaa) and if you've ever seen her interviews she's an amazing person. hold on im getting to the point. so ive finally been trying to form a band with connor. he's finally agreed to at least try and make music with me. and that if we actually get something really legitimate going he agreed we would perform live. anyway, i always always thought since high school that the name Portman would be a great name for a band, in honor of Natalie Portman, but also because it's a simplistic and great sounding name. so today i looked it up on myspace, and it showed me ONE result, of a band called natalie portman's shaved head. what i MISSED was the 45 other results of bands already called Portman or singer-songwriters with last name Portman. i didnt find this until AFTER i thought i staked a claim on my own band myspace page called Portman.

so yea. not an original name after all. i bet all those bands are pieces of shit too. so therefore, my quest to find a band name as equally unbeatable as Wilco continues. connor found a city in Spain called Malmo, but i think he just liked the fact it rhymed with Wilco. who knew good band names were so important.....

i almost forgot

2009-10-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

when i go pee in a certain bathroom in the psychology building, someone wrote some pretty funny graffiti. i dont have a picture but i wish i did. for those of you who have played the zelda games as a kid (asians, im especially counting on you to know this), its a badly drawn triforce, followed by the main theme song spelled out in words. as in, "dat daaaaaaa, dat dananananaaaaaaaaa, dat daaaaaa, dat dananananaaaa etc

i thought it was hilarious.

which reminds me last year, on another bathroom stall i used to visit, some hippy wrote, "love is freedom". someone much more clever crossed out "love" and replaced it with "pooping". much more accurate and relatable by the masses id say.

if i hadnt lost my krink marker id be all over this kind of stuff.

Meeting people and why I am a bad at it

2009-10-13T10:58:00.000-07:00

all of my actual friends know that when they all go away to their respective colleges, i become a complete loner. this is because i commute to school, and when i get there my one goal is to commute right back home. so im not keen on sticking around longer than i have to. this doesnt leave a lot of opportunity for making friends. i mean its not like i can talk to people in class while the professor is teaching. and its obvious i dont mind either or i would have done something about it. i think.

i have managed to pick up acquaintances, and some are okay, most are mistakes. and thats the problem. you can't UN-acquaintance them really. technically yes, i could be a super butthole and just not wave back when they say hi or something, but that would be weird for both of us. so its really like blocking a goal in soccer (or futbol). either you get it or you dont. and so far i have missed a lot of goals, my making non-weirdo friends team is going to jump me in the parking lot.

however this semester i did attend a study group and now we study all the time. i would consider them possibly higher in rank than acquaintances, and i guess it would count as my first action taken to actually meet people and maintain a normal human interaction with them. i never needed study groups last year because i had a bunch of easy classes, but now that im doing major classes its different. studying is strange for me, im not used to really doing it a lot. at least not for hours on end. or hardly ever.

so what it basically comes down to is effort and concern. im not willing to put forth the effort, nor am i at all concerned about my lack of friendship at my school. im sure it would give me something to do, reasons to get out of the house and such, but im okay with waiting for my other friends to come back on breaks and stuff. call it sad, but on graduation day i will celebrate with no one. and thats perfectly okay with me.

vacuums

2009-10-11T11:32:00.000-07:00

vacuums. they suck. not only is it difficult to spell, the actual vacuum itself is just a piece of burning shit. has anyone else ever noticed how annoying they are? i think ive actually been trained to a point where when i see a vacuum sitting out i just get agitated and anxious. there's not such thing as a vacuum you like to use, or a vacuum you like hearing. because vacuums are bitches. yea, they work, but holy fuck whenever my mom uses one i just go insane. probably because she thinks the house gets super dirty every 3 days or so. so its like all the fucking time. you can tell by my wording that she obviously just did it now. moral of the story: fuck vacuums.

Nevermind all that

2009-10-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

so all that ugliness and horrible evil i was spouting about this morning? gone. you know why? im in the library and sitting across form a beautiful indie girl. leggy, not blonde, clearly hard working. fortunately she's too caught up in her work to notice i keep looking at her face. creepy i know but if you saw a new color you wouldnt be able to get enough of it just in case you never saw it again. seriously, as im writing this blog i take one second breaks to sneak a look at her face again. while listening to the new music i just got from keith, the freelance whales. (yup just took a look again). im not drinking anything right now, but here's to you beautiful indie girl in the library. maybe one day ill have the confidence to speak to you and your kind.

People are stupid

2009-10-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

i know that is a pretty obvious statement in the title, not the first time you've heard me say it, but damn i feel like an old man in my hate for other people. today, people with sandals and general douchebags.

i noticed this girl behind was walking with sandals and she wasnt walking normally, she was doing that thing where she just lets the back of the sandal drag along as she walked. i did a quick glance to see if maybe the girl had an excuse and she did: she was fat and asian and dumb looking. i understand this is like half the population or maybe more, but goddamn it was annoying. then i noticed this other guy walking next to me wearing sandals, he wasnt doing it. he was being cool and actually lifting his foot up like normal people not dragging his lazy ass feet around. yea, i CAN get mad about people wearing sandals. you'd be surprised. or maybe not.

but here's the even better stupid person. so this dipshit asian guy with really long hair down to his elbows was skateboarding and trying to play guitar AT THE SAME TIME. the guitar had a shitty bojangles shoestring strap and he wasnt even using it. his douchebaggery was a palpable cloud that followed him. here's the scenario i wished upon him: his stupid-ass probably unwashed hair would get caught on one of the many beautiful plants on campus, yanking him off of his skateboard, and the fall would break his guitar to pieces. if that happened, the universe would reach equilibrium that was previously offset by his dumbfuck existence.

after seeing these and spending way too much time thinking about it, i realized how grateful i was for being smart. now im not trying to sound condescending, im no fucking genius, but im not stupid. and for that, i am so glad, because i couldnt imagine being able to accept being stupid. because thats what stupid people should do, accept they are stupid and move on. instead, they bully others smarter than them or commit dumb crimes or something. but SOMEONE has to serve the food at mcdonalds. i may be weird and possibly cinically insane, but dumb is one thing i am thankfully not. even people who are not "booksmart" and instead are "streetsmart" can still be considered intelligent. its just the stupid idiots i hate, like the people who say obama is a terrorist because of his name, or those conservative dickweeds holding those way hypocritical, badly named protests, or people who drag their raggedy ass sandals. stuff like that makes me wish that sometimes there was some form of segregation between dumb and smart people, but that would ruin that whole human rights thing, and you know how some people can get about that. dont ask me what i meant by "some people"

so thanks mom and dad for both being smart and getting together to carry that on. stupid people....get neutered or something youre not helping.

and this all took place in the 5 minutes i walked to get from the shuttle to my class. im just mad cuz i have a lot to do and its also my last day at home alone.

Weekend at Home

2009-10-05T19:56:00.001-07:00

my parents had to go to a wedding in Texas this weekend so ive had the house all to myself. saturday thru tuesday. now normally what you'd be thinking is YEA party at keenan's, or i had people ask, "hey keenan you gonna invite a girl over?". the answer to that is no. and no party either. so really this is just a narrative of how sad my life at home is. on a more positive note, it's been awesome being by myself. its just me and the dog doing whatever we want, leaving anything out. ive set up my instruments in the main room as a sort of studio where i can just pick up anything and turn it on or something and start playing. pretty cool. same with colin's xbox. i just left it out instead of bothering to pack it up so its out of everyone's way. so for me, it IS a party. seeing as today is monday tomorrow is tuesday, which means the fun immediately stops.

while typing this i just saw a commercial for some new game called monopoly city where you actually put pieces of skyscrapers or something to raise your property value. you wanna know how you can lower the property value of another person? by placing a power plant next to their stuff. hahahah that sucks for people in the power plant business. i guess its a commonly accepted attitude that having a power plant near you is terrible thing. and what's weird is that there was another commercial for a monopoly card game. and mcdonalds is doing its monopoly thing....strange.......

Skateboards r stupid, bikes still awesome

2009-10-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

I KNOW my friends are all into skateboarding, pretty much everyone i know (which is not very much) is into them and nobody holds my view that they are lame. i equate them to fixie bikes, in that they are fun for tricks but terrible for practical transportation. too much work for me, really.

and today i saw the PERFECT example of this. so i was getting into the campus shuttle and this one guy was skateboarding over to the stop. thinking he was not going to make it, he picks up his board and just sprints the rest of the way to the stop. so that's when you know you have piece of shit for transportation, when it's more effective to NOT use it. i seriously laughed, out loud. lol.

alright i dont hate you guys who are into skateboards im just saying. they suck.

on a related note, this past saturday i had the big debut of my awesome Panasonic and it was great. the ride is like driving a hybrid. if you havent, its really smooth and super quiet. thats like my bike. im saying my bike rides like a hybrid. one problem, the seat is unstable. i havent taken the time to adjust it, but it should be a quick fix. by problem i mean it swivels left and right by the smallest nudge. kinda weird. still an awesome bike. and better than a skateboard, more like GAYboard

randumb

2009-10-03T00:47:00.001-07:00

i hate country music. it is bad. and annoying. i wish all those christian incestuous southerners never invented it, because it is terrible.

also, i decided today i support the troops overseas, because i sure as hell aint gonna do it.

that was my best attempt to copy neal's writing style but i dont think i succeeded.

the los al cycling club is being filmed by the video yearbook for los alamitos high school. ill try to stay out of the shots as much as possible to hide my shame that im hanging around a bunch of high schoolers. however, it will also be the debut of my panasonic. i made some small adjustments to the stem today and i guess its a little better. the ride is smooth like no other, and i wonder why my schwinn isnt like that. probably because i dont put as much care into it. but now i have no money anyway so i guess that will have to wait.

i really want to see zombieland. but i dont know who to see it with....im actually considering of going to a movie alone, aint that fucking sad? i need a girlfriend or something.

JaPanasonic Cycle Super Ultra Fun Time Happy Lucky Go

2009-10-01T11:35:00.000-07:00

lets ignore the stereotypical title and answer your question instead. YES its done. the japanasonic. finally...the wheels ive had for like a year, those parts in japan, all put together into my coaster brake single speed bikey bike. the chain was really frustrating, as was getting the tension correctly adjusted, but i prevailed over this bitch and the ride is so smooth. it took me about a week to assemble and probably cost between a cheap $200-300. suck it fixie kids (keith). my bike is better. because its japan made. and no longer made. AND IT HAS THE COLORS OF THE EMPIRE. you can tell im overly excited about this bicycle.

my exuberance mostly comes from the fact that i put it together entirely by myself and it actually works totally fine. there was no duct taping or repairing or replacing of parts i broke in anger or something. everything is awesome. even though the seat is original panasonic too, i was thinking if i could find a seat that matches the retro grip tape i should replace it. and of course when i get the opportunity i gotta repaint the entire damn frame red and somehow preserve the logo, but that won't be happening anytime soon. i need the money and the gusto to find a local auto shop willing to paint my piddly little bike. so there you go....

now i need something else to take up my time

Hollywood Forever: Bon Iver At Sunrise

2009-09-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

At first I had only planned to review the Bon Iver performance on September 25th at the Wiltern. I would have said it was a great live performance by Justin Vernon and his crew making a great night of music, save for the terribly sounding and terribly named opening band, "Magafaun". Despite apparently being good friends of Justin Vernon, this band sounded like Fleet Foxes at first, but wait until I say Fleet Foxes who then commit incest and instead sound like bad bluegrass and Irish drinking music like Flogging Molly. It was really aggravating to sit through, like an itch you can't scratch, but Bon Iver eventually took the stage to save the night.

So clearly, I wouldn't have much to say about that night. It wasn't until my friend calls me at 9 pm saturday night to invite me to the much-sought-after performance of Bon Iver at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery that I found the opportunity to really finalize my Bon Iver fix. I only hesitated for a second considering the last minute notice, but then my mind reminded me this was a once in a lifetime chance to be a part of a rare event.

This Woodstock-esque camp out was to take place at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, where some of Tinseltown's big names have been buried. Unfortunately, my friend and I had to wait for the tickets outside, as she was buying them from someone who offered them cheap on Twitter. After that, my friend then had to sell one extra ticket to someone else, so we didn't end up getting on the premises until around 1:30 am. It was a huge pilgrimage of indie kids, carrying as much as they could to prepare for a night of greatness. They had blankets, pillows, candles, food, nicotine, wine, and weed among other things meant to keep their groove going. You could also ask the overly sarcastic security guard to direct you to the bathrooms nearby or grab some free coffee and pastries from local coffee business onsite, Gospel Swamp.

It was a huge farm of people sprawled out on open grass, a maze of blankets and sheets facing the side of a building. This was a relief, because I thought we were going to be sitting on grave stones and stuff only to be haunted later by the ghosts of Jayne Mansfield and Jewish movie execs. By the time I got in we were halfway through the screening of the Wilson brothers' film, "Bottle Rocket", we had already missed the first "Bon Iver DJ Set", which was basically an assortment of music being played by various artists. After the movie was DJ Set 2, and then a screening of Planet Earth (Jungles) with all the audio and narration replaced with ambient music. This was followed by the strange and unexpected: a blessing of the stage and audience by Buddhist monks. It was during their synchronized chants that I took a bathroom break. While waiting in line I also took stock of the entire moment I was in. Never before have I been awake for so long in the morning to notice the slow coming of the day. As time passed I could finally make out faces in front of me, and I watched the stars disappear behind an ominous fog. Right before Justin Vernon asked the crowd, "How weird is this?", one couldn't help but think, "Holy shit I am here being a part of this event".

Even though I had just saw him perform pretty much the exact same set list on Friday, Bon Iver in the early morn has a completely different aura to it. The majority of the people stayed on their blankets, which was also something I was worried they wouldn't do. It was amazing. I am not sure if I have ever felt so Zen-like and in the moment as I did at that moment. I was thinking, "people are getting up right now and going to work or the gym or something. I am watching Bon Iver perform a fucking concert in a cemetery".

ONE problem arose from this amazing indie bonanza: Justin Vernon found it necessary to invite his friends Megafaun to the stage. It was a total boner killer, and they co-performed a sing-along that I did NOT sing along to. Get them out of here, I'm here to get my mind blown by Bon Iver.

As for the rest of the day, I was in a weird, sleep-deprived funk. There was just nothing else to do that day after knowing where you were that morning. It was more than a concert, it was an experience. You had to camp out under the stars, you just had keep yourself occupied with everything around you while waiting for the main performance. You had to think, what a unique idea with a crazy location, and I can say I was there. After this I could only explain my being in the words of Justin Vernon himself, "every place I go I take another place with me". And that other place was the early morning I spent at the Hollywood Forever Bon Iver at Sunrise show.

Good Winter

2009-09-26T20:52:00.001-07:00

how i wish it would come. anyway. so the bike guy was out of town and closed till tomorrow. more on that when it happens.

bon iver was really good live. except the opening band made me really aggravated. they were like fleet foxes, which starts off good, but not until i say fleet foxes/country/scottish drinking music. i mean they had a banjo player, who played nothing but the banjo. it was bad. it just made me more and more anxious for bon iver. it was like an itch you couldnt scratch you just had to sit there and wait it out. but bon iver was really really good. that's all im going to say, because he was. and on a whim, i decided to see him again tonight at the Hollywood Forever concert. get in at 12, hang around till 6 when he plays. i think i will enjoy this last minute decision. i dont really know what to write or how to make it exciting, im sort of in a weird funk right now, i feel like the human embodiment of ambient music.

more shuttle stuff

2009-09-23T12:53:00.000-07:00

okay so i know im writing a lot about the stuff that happens when i ride the campus shuttle but this is the last one i swear. this isnt about one instance, but a series when a fairly attractive college girl walks on the bus to discover that she can't sit alone. that means that since there are two seats on each side of the aisle, everyone has filled in at least one. so you can tell she's doing a quick rundown of faces as to who she will sit by, who has the look that says, "i will not cause any discomfort or awkwardness". its always a pathetic compliment when that girl sits next to me. its not like i launch some crazy dating run and start talking to her i just sit quiet and have a short smile to myself. its like yea....she chose me suckas you all look like weirdos. when i get ready to depart i almost say thank you but that would be weird.

if you actually read this blog still clap your hands and say hey because i feel like im talking to myself a lot more now and im starting to use this like a twitter or something.

im going to see the Brian Eno exhibit on campus and bring april along because she would appreciate that sort of thing. then im going to drag her italian ass over to the bike store where i will get my crank, pedals, and possibly a new seat to finish my panasonic. hope it works out. afterwards i wont have any money and its sort of a shocking horror that there is no income to fill in the holes im making. less money for my possible trip into the wild i guess.

Reaching out

2009-09-22T10:15:00.000-07:00

im not sure if the title makes sense. but its about how last night i went to a study group for my psychobiology class, and i ended up CONVERSING with people from my class. so that's a new concept...i mean i probably wont be doing anything with them that isnt class related but its still a change of pace for me and my college experience. how fucking sad.

i also ordered the wrong french book online. what a bitch and a half. now im even that much further behind in the class. on a better note, i think i will have just enough money to finish my bike. just barely enough. then ill be borderline poor again. SOMEBODY HIRE MEEEE

Bike Ridin'

2009-09-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

i mentioned before i was getting that panasonic. and i got that fucking panasonic. and it's awesome so far. i didnt even ride it when i got home i immediately went to town on it and explored my manliness. i cut the brake and gear lines, removed the kickstand and brakes and the grip tape, the wheels were both gone immediately. all the while i was polishing with a shammy and using my grandfather's homemade iron brush sander to get rid of rust and residue. oh yea. i was doing manly stuff, getting dirty and working with metal. i went to mikes to get my peloton fine tuned because it turns out he didnt do it the first time. its confusing dont ask. but when i was there he asked me how my dad likes the panasonic and i told him my dad loves it, because mike wouldnt sell me the bike if he knew i was goign to tear it apart and rebuild it myself. it sort of makes sense saying that im getting it for my dad, because if my dad was in shape enough to ride this bike hes about my height and he loves japanese culture too (he even married a japanese woman because of it) so its a good lie.

anyway, i went to a local bike shop on the way back from mikes called richard's bicycles. the main guy, who i assume is richard, was really helpful and sold me the chain breaker and crank extractor tools and showed me how to use them. and then i bought some cork grip tape for retro sake. im also getting some red pedals from him and if i have the immediate money i need to get a white crank set and ill be ready to put everything back together. and if that happens ill be very satisfied.