I had the stupidest thought today at work and i have to write it down somewhere or else i'll lose it.

so when i have the time and the money to do absolutely nothing, im going to get really good at some kind of multiplayer game. really really good. and then im going to be at the top of the charts in whatever rankings that can be seen by all the other players and my user name will be something like SupremeVirgin or something very similar. just to make a statement or something. stupid, i know

as a psychology student i noticed one thing: psychology is all theory. basically, we dont know jack shit about the human brain so we are just going to take a bunch of educated guesses. however, we know that if alcohol goes in, psychotic neuroses and honesty comes out. wtf is that all about? fffffffffuck that.

Drunk

...or prettly close to it. i promised i myself i would try and capture the moment of when i was drunk but it seems as far as my grammar goes i cannot be swayed sober or otherwise. to type that last sentence alone took many punchings of the delete button. I AM THE GENTLEMANS GENTLEMAN haha fuck. so my brother took me out to a local bar with his friend and my gf ELisha and my other friend jazmine. we had a merry time. i drank JUST the right amount to the point in which i wasnt blacked out but i was definitely drunk. im still in it now. my brother said to drink water. so now i am personally forcing myself to stay awake so i can pee everything out before i sleep. it will make it much easier to do it from my computer chair than climbing down from my loft bed every 10 minutes. whoa that sounds like im just peeing in a chair. but im not. i am seriously just coherent enough to type this but not enough to do so without mistake. i also sitting in a really weird position in my chair and also noticing how awesome this room is and how cool my fingers are for doing what they do. so that should give you a pretty good example of my state of alertness. or whatever. im sleepy. but i gotta pee so much. from an evolutionary standpoint, i wonder what matters more instinctively. peeing or sleeping? did our ancestors weigh the options like, " i have to pee, but i aint gonna be eaten by a wolf (which they havent domesticated yet)" and instead they just wet themselves for survival. who knows. i sure dont. i cant control my head.

im so glad tonight happened. i initially said i wasnt going to get drunk, but here i am, borderline drunk. i guess tonight i realized why in sitcoms and movies and in pop culture everyone goes "out for drinks". even if you dont get super drunk youre still going to loosen up. everyone at my table did. it just makes for a good time. maybe thats an analysis on society like, we should all be merry and honest with eachother because thats what being drunk is like and we seem to have a good time in that moment. ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Southland Proves I Would Be The Worst Cop

If anybody follows Southland from its beginning, they know that it started on NBC and then moved to TNT where it improved greatly. I haven't put too much thought into why it is such an intriguing show, but i can't get enough. At first, i thought it was because i once had the idea that i would like to be a cop, but the more i watch this show, the more i discover i would technically be the worst cop ever.

as far as i'm concerned, law enforcement got fucked over by "citizens" demanding "rights" when they fuck up. in all seriousness though, that's what happens when you have to formulate an umbrella protocol that fits every situation, based on the poor actions of the evil who committed actual crimes. so from watching Southland, i have noticed that you cant just arrest a guy, and do everything you can to achieve that simple goal. you have to have a good solid reason, and if the asshole decides to run you're allowed to tackle him and such, but you can't punch him in the face for making things difficult. as you'll immediately notice, that is what i would do if i was in a bad mood and i had to chase a suspect. if i was feeling nice i would punch his face before i cuffed him, just to say he wasnt entirely defenseless. that's just the light situations. tonight's episode they killed off the character Detective Nate Moretta in the last 5 minutes of the show. completely out of nowhere. oops, spoiler alert, whatever. anyway, he was just doing a routine stop with his partner hazing a bunch of mexican gang members when all of a sudden he gets a metal pipe to the head. suddenly, a huge mob of fat stupid mexicans descend upon his limp body to beat the shit out of him. his partner is forced to shoot one and threaten the rest of the group, which does nothing. they just keep coming back for a few more kicks. one cholo decides to reach for the Det. Moretta's gun but gets shot by the partner, which in this case was the only reasonable reason for shooting someone. other than that, all he could do was drag the body to his car and fire shots into the air helplessly as the fucking mexicans continue to ignore his warnings and backup finally arrives. now here's what is wracking my brain so feverishly: i would have not only shot into that crowd, i would have grabbed my (presumably) dead partner's gun and let them have it. if i was severely outnumbered, with a dead body to protect from a bunch of evil criminals, i would have absolutely zero reservations about going full cowboy and firing with a vengeance at each head i could see. but as the show depicted, in reality, that would be considered a massacre on the detective's part, and TECHNICALLY wouldnt be lawfully justified. however i think MORALLY it is the perfect thing to do. here are these criminals who have made the obvious decision to fuck the law and do what they please. it is in that instant that i believe the law no longer applies to them. bam, shot in the face. you made your decision, esse. DISCLAIMER: i am no racist against mexicans, im just describing the scene. it could be any other mob of any other race and they would be just as deserving to be filled with hot lead.

so that is where i would fail. they are called law enforcement, not morality enforcement. and that is where i believe that the justice system if flawed. i could actually write a whole new post about that, including how we shouldnt take cases that are stupid, like that guy who sued mcdonalds for spilling coffee on himself and the coffee being "too hot". fuck you, guy. fuck your shit. you ordered a hot coffee. get out of my courtroom and drink a gallon of antifreeze. overall, this goes to show that if i managed to somehow pass whatever exams are given to become a cop, i would immediately be fired and/or arrested for brutality or something. basically, i'm like Rorschach from the Watchmen series. i would totally be like him, except just a touch less crazy, but only by a little. Rorschach gets things done. Obviously, Batman learned nothing from his parents being killed and thinks he's getting things done, but in the grander scheme is getting nothing accomplished by having criminals arrested. if he was trained as a goddamn ninja, he ought to kill like one. i dont know how i got off topic to Batman, but it's been said. IM BACK EVERYONE

Return

as i will follow up this post with another, it marks my official return to the blogging world. not that anybody has been waiting. but i've been bothered by topics that i feel i could write about in length lately, so finally i decided to come back. now that i dropped out of school i need something to stimulate my brain anyway.

untitled

to my friends, yes i have been getting your calls and messages. though i have pretty much been ignoring my phone for the past few days. i'd rather not use it.

as of now, i have no idea what i'm doing. no more plans. no more aspirations. now it's back to a day at a time. there's no telling how long this will last.

Help

somebody help me please. please. i dont know what to do. somebody please help me.